[identity profile] banerry.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] whatnancysaid

This book... I'm not really sure what this book is about, to be honest. It involves a random cat thief, antagonistic neighbors who May or May Not Be Hiding Something, and a mentally unbalanced criminal who breaks into houses for the sole purpose of sending Morse Code messages to the inhabitants. Oh, and a cat show that serves no real purpose to the plot.
It also has the distinction of having one of the worst covers in ND history. Seriously, go Google it. It's hideous.

"Tap! Tap! Tap!
'Nancy,' said blond, pretty
Fat,
Bess Marvin, 'that doesn't sound like a regular tap dance.'
'It certainly doesn't,' added George Fayne, a dark-haired, athletic girl, who was Bess's cousin. 'I could almost imagine it's a code.'
'And you'd be right,' Nancy Drew replied with a broad grin." (page 1)
Nancy: "You'll never guess what I just said about your mom!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"While Bess was telephoning upstairs, George said to Nancy, 'You still haven't explained about the code tapping you were doing.'
Nancy laughed. 'Recently I decided to study Morse code. I thought it would be fun to tap out messages with my heels.'" (page 3)
... Geez. And people say I have too much time on my hands.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Nancy had noticed that the tapping sounds were uneven. It occurred to her that possibly they were a code.
Nancy: "Hey, maybe I'm not the dorkiest person in River Heights after all!"
She could not translate any of the tapping sounds into words, but on a hunch she stood up, crossed to a bare spot on the floor, and in Morse code tapped out:
'Who are you?'" (page 11)
Floor: "I'm the floor; what the hell did you expect?"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"[Nancy] returned to her listening post and sat in the chair for another hour. There was no recurrence of the tapping, so finally Nancy decided to go to bed.
'Tomorrow morning Bess and George and I can investigate the basement thoroughly.'" (page 12)
Oh yeah, I'm sure Bess will be real thrilled about that.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Although Bess was a bit fearful she agreed to spend the rest of the night in the garage with George.
'It's very comfortable here,' she admitted,
Bess: "Just my parent's garage, where I have to live until I get a job..."
and cooler than inside the house.'" (page 17)
Bess: "Say, Nancy, why aren't you
staying in the garage, again?"
Nancy: "Oh! I'm, uh... allergic."
Bess: "To the garage?"
Nancy: "Uh... yeah. And I have to keep talking in code to my friends who live under the floorboards!"
Bess: "..."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Miss Carter leaned forward across the table. 'Nancy, I'm terrifically interested. I used to be an actress myself.' She looked off into space. 'I loved it and felt sad when I had to retire.'
Miss Carter: "Old people can't be actors, you know."
Bess asked what plays Miss Carter had been in.
Miss Carter: "Um. Pornos."
The actress named several and added, 'My greatest role was in The Dancer and the Fool. I played the part of the dancer.
Miss Carter: "George Bush Jr. played the part of the fool." 
You know, I believe that with a few changes that play could be modernized and produced right now.'" (page 18)
Miss Carter: "That's right, at this very moment! Bess, I have a wonderful fool's costume that would look just lovely on you!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"During Bess's absence, Nancy and George went to the basement hoping to find a clue that would explain the reason for the tapping sounds. Nancy carried a flashlight in her left hand, a small hammer in her right." (page 20)
George: "I don't think I want to know what the hammer's for, Nance."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"'Perhaps,' said George, 'the tapper is a nut and just comes here to have fun scaring people.'" (page 21)
George: "Okay, okay, I admit it- I'm the tapper."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Mrs. Bealing revealed that she had heard muffled tapping sounds from the third floor.
'Then let's go up there first,' George proposed.
Miss Carter said with a smile, 'Don't be too surprised at what you find.'" (page 24)

Miss Carter: "I haven't had a chance to clear out all the bodies yet."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Nancy suggested that the girls separate and each hunt for a clue to the tapper or to what he might be looking for. 
It was not long before Nancy found a crossbeam in a side wall which, she thought, was not necessary to the construction of the building. 
Nancy: "Hey guys, you think Miss Carter will mind of we dismantle her house?"
She tugged at it and presently the beam came away." (page 24)
(loud crash)
Nancy: "... Uh-oh. I guess that might have been necessary after all."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"A few minutes later, as [Nancy] was about to take a shower, the telephone rang again. This time a man's high-pitched voice said, 'Miss Nancy Drew?'
'Yes. Who are you?' Nancy asked.
Man: "I'm Bob Johnson, with the Helium Inhaler's Association of America."
'I'll tell you when I come,' the stranger replied. 'I think you know some secrets I have to have.
Man: "And I just can't wait until Algebra class tomorrow, girlfriend! I just have to hear the gossip now!"
You stay there in your house.
Man: "It'll help if you unplug the phones and put away any weapons you might have."
 I'll be right over to get them from you.' The man hung up.
as Nancy stood lost in thought, Hannah Gruen came to her side.
Hannah: "What, no shower?"
'Who was that?' she asked.
'I don't know, Hannah. Some man with a high squeaky voice. He sounds ominous.
Nancy: "Well, I don't know if that's the right word... are Alvin and the Chipmunks 'ominous'?"
I wonder if he's the man who followed me from Berryville.'
'Oh, dear!' The housekeeper sighed. 'Nancy, you just seem to go from one dangerous adventure to another. What did this man want?'
Nancy managed a wan smile. 'He said I have some secrets he has to have and he'll be right over to get them.'
Hannah Gruen bristled. 'He will, will he? Well, we'll not let him in! And that's final!'" (page 30-31)
Hannah: "I've been keeping our affair secret for over three years, and I'll be damned if some lowlife is going to spoil everything now!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"The caller pushed the button for the third time and kept his finger on the bell. It rang for a whole minute,
Narrator: "Driving everybody inside insane..."
then finally the person gave up." (page 31)
Narrator: "Well, that and the doorbell broke."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'Ned!' Nancy shouted. The relief in her voice as well as her delight were very evident to Ned Nickerson, an Emerson College student and star football player, whom she dated frequently.'
Narrator: "Maybe not as frequently as some of her other boyfriends, but Ned took what he could get."
'What's going on?' he asked. 
Ned: "And I say hey, hey, hey, hey, I say hey, what's going on?"
'I arrived early and rang and rang your bell
Oh, so that was Ned who kept it ringing for a full minute? Figures.
but nobody would let me in.'" (page 32)
Ned: "You guys always do that to me! It's not funny anymore!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"When Nancy and Ned were ready to leave the house to attend the rehearsal, Mr. Drew suggested that the two exchange cars after they returned home. He added, 'It might help keep that man in the black sedan off your trail, Nancy.'
'Glad to do it, Mr. Drew,' Ned said, and Nancy nodded in agreement.
Nancy: "Especially since I crashed my car again on the way over here- it's a total wreck."
'Another thing, Nancy,' her father said. 'Whenever you leave this house, I want you to wear dark sunglasses and a scarf that completely covers your head." (page 33-34)
Mr. Drew: "Answer only to the name Gwyneth Paltrow."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"The director, Mr. Skank
BWAHAHAHA. 
was very exacting. By the time the first act had been rehearsed over and over, nearly two hours had gone by." (page 34)
Narrator: "By that time about half of the actors had fallen into comas."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Nancy asked Ned why he had left the auditorium so hurriedly. He said that a boy had come down the aisle and handed him a hand-printed note. Ned pulled it from his pocket and gave it to Nancy to read. 
You are to get out of the picture. Nancy Drew has another steady now. Come to the corridor and you will find out." (page 37)
Nancy: "Oh, Ned... I never expected you to find out this way, honestly!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Ned grinned. 'Just so long as you don't have another steady date, I'll forgive you for anything.'" (page 37)
Nancy: "Uh, Ned... I never exactly told you that we were going steady..."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Hannah Gruen quickly prepared a snack
Hannah: "Food can solve anything!"
and then announced that she knew just the thing to put on Ned's jaw. She went to get a soothing lotion and soaked a bandage with it.
Don't you just love how they're ten times more concerned with his bruised jaw than they are with the average concussion?
'Keep this wet compress on all night and I guarantee that tomorrow morning you'll look like yourself again,' she said." (page 39-40)
Hannah: "Not that that's very desirable or anything."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Hannah was pleased and said that she had used a homemade remedy of hers that never failed.
Ned smiled. 'Maybe you should patent it and go into business. Quick cure! Quick money!'" (page 40)
Years later, Hannah Gruen will be credited with the invention and distribution of Viagra."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"When Nancy finished telling about her eventful evening, the cousins looked at each other in amazement." (page 41)
George: "And we were all so sure your boyfriends would never find out about each other!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'Bess Marvin,' George said severely, 'you leave that cake alone. Every time you take off a few pounds, you put them right back on.'
George: "How in the world do you expect to move beyond Dave if you can't even stick to a diet plan?"
Bess looked at the cake wistfully. Should she pay attention to George who, she knew, was right
That's right, Bess, self-loathe.
or should she enjoy the luscious dessert?
Narrator: "No matter which choice she made, she knew deep in her heart that she would end up hating herself forever."
To herself she said, 'I won't decide now. Maybe- just maybe- I'll be satisfied with the chicken salad and a little bitsy piece of cake.'
This did not prove to be the case and later when Bess cut a slice for herself it was so wide that even Miss Carter had to laugh. She eased the tension, however, by saying, 
"Well, at least you have your pity date."
'I've always felt that the place to diet is in one's own home, not in someone else's.'
Bess beamed at her. 'I could hug you for that, Miss Carter.'" (page 42)
Bess: "Hey Nancy, is it okay if I come and stay with you for an indefinite amount of time?"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Bess said feelingly, 'Please go back to sleep. When you wake up, I'll bring you tea and cookies.'" (page 45)
Bess: "... Well, I'll bring you the tea, at least."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"When they reached the basement, Nancy stood in the center of the floor and slowly turned in circles. Bess and George watched their friend in fascination. They knew enough not to ask what was going through her mind." (page 46)
Narrator: "Prior experience told them that they just didn't want to know."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'Be careful!' Bess warned. 'We don't know what may be behind that wood. Some hidden object could shoot out and harm us!'" (page 47)
George: (groans) "I can't believe I agreed to take you to see Indiana Jones last weekend."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'It's a secret room!' Nancy cried out. 'Oh, girls, this is a wonderful clue!'
There was a switch just inside the movable panel which illuminated three lamps. An open door to one side revealed a fully furnished bathroom. Nancy hurried inside and felt a towel and washcloth.
'They're damp!' she called. 'Someone has been here very recently. I'm sure this is the hideout of the tapper.'
'And here's his razor,' said George, rushing in." (page 47)
George: "Oh my God, we have an emo on our hands!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'Can't you tell me what you found out?' Nancy asked her father.
He laughed. 'I think the matter should be kept secret for the present.
Carson: "At least until George  puts away the tape recorder and comes out from behind the couch, that is."
Anyway, I'd rather not discuss it on the telephone. Here's more news. The Faynes and Marvins want Bess and George to come home. 
Carson: "Something about them being fed up with Bess acting like a lesbian and George acting like a heterosexual male."
There's a special family part being held out of town tonight that they're to attend.' 
 Carson: "I suggest that you find out the location of this party and destroy it before they have a chance to try anything."
Nancy was a bit alarmed about leaving Miss Carter and Mrs. Bealing alone.
Narrator: "After all, they'd only been doing it for fifty-odd years before she came along."
Apparently Mr. Drew guessed her thought.
Carson: "... Oh no, you've gotten attached again, haven't you?"
'I know you don't want to desert the Amity Place mystery,' he said, 'so I have persuaded
"- with guns -"
Hannah to stay with Miss Carter while you girls have to be away.'" (page 52)
Um, excuse me? Since when was Nancy invited to this little family shindig?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Mrs. Bealing was delighted to hear that her friend Hannah Gruen was coming to spend a little time at Miss Carter's. 'She's such a capable person to have around.' 
'She certainly is,' Nancy agreed.
Bess and George exchanged guilty glances." (page 54)
Narrator: "Nancy could never know that they both knew exactly how capable Hannah was."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"The three girls went back to the basement and opened the panel to the secret room. Nancy unlocked the wall cabinet and took out the diary. Then she relocked the cupboard, and the panel was closed again.
Narrator: "Then she walked up the stairs and into the kitchen, opened the refrigerator door, took out the last slice of cake, and ate it. Bess never forgave her."
Since Bess and George did not know when they would be able to return,
George: "Who knows... if my mom goes through with her threat, maybe never."
they decided to pack all their clothes and take them home. 'I"d enjoy a change of slacks and blouses, anyway,' said Bess." (page 54)
Bess: "Maybe next time I should plan on changing my clothes more often than once a week."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Nancy took Mrs. Gruen's 
What, all of a sudden so formal?
bag and led the way up the stairs to the second floor. Mrs. Bealing greeted her old friend affectionately." (page 55)
Nancy: "Hey, hey, HEY, back off!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"[Miss Carter] smiled. 'It's said that bad luck comes in threes. I've had mine- first a broken leg, then a mysterious tapper, and finally stolen cats.'" (page 55)
Miss Carter: "That second one was the worst- only Mrs. Bealing is allowed to tap me!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Hannah's assurances made Miss Carter feel better at once. Soon the three women were engaged
GASP!
in a lively conversation. 
... Oh.
Nancy, Bess, and George left quietly.
Nancy: (huffily) "Come on, girls- I can see when I'm not wanted."
'When are you going to get your own car back?' George asked Nancy as they rode off in Ned's convertable.
'I don't know. Ned's coming to take me to the rehearsal.'
Nancy: "If he hasn't already madea break for the border by then."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"As [Nancy] unlocked the kitchen door, the place seemed very different. For an instant Nancy wondered why, then realized she missed the fragrant scent of cooking food. There was always a lingering aroma of some special concoction of Hannah's in the air.
... Well. I've always suspected, but I guess that this confirms it- Hannah normally never leaves the kitchen.
'It's just not the same without her here,' Nancy thought wistfully.
Just wait till you grow up and head off to college, Nancy.
Within a few minutes Mr. Drew drove in. While Nancy was preparing dinner from a menu Hannah had left,
Narrator: "... Because she knew full well that they had no way of surviving without at least a little help..."
they lawyer related what he had found out about the Woontons.
'Through a stroke of luck I got the information from a lawyer friend of mine who is the attorney for the Beverly, a private hospital.
Carson: "We lawyers have a secret information exchanging society on the down-low, you know."
It takes boys and young men who are having mental problems of one sort or another." (page 56)
Carson: "Or, y'know, if their parents just got sick of dealing with them."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'That pudgy man who followed you and who attacked Ned at the school fits the description of the Gus Woonton who ran away. He had a penchant for running away since the time he was a little boy.'
'You  mean running away from home?' Nancy asked.
Carson: "No, I mean running away from the ball during soccer practice. YES, I mean running away from home!"
Her father nodded. 'Yes, and also from school and camp, and at times from hotels when the family was on a trip. When Gus reached his late teens, he became worse, so his parents finally took him to the Beverly.'" (page 57)
Carson: "Where he was... allowed to escape."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"As [Nancy and Ned] walked into the school a few minutes later, [Ned] said, 'Tonight, instead of sittin 
Typo!Ned is from the south, it seems.
in the auditorium, I think I'll play detective and walk around the corridors to keep a lookout for that pudgy fellow.'
Because we all know how well Ned's occasional bouts of detective work usually go.
They separated and Nancy went up to the stage. Ned made sure that the front door was securely locked as well as all the side entrances.
Hey, look- Ned's an administrator at my high school!
On one of his trips into the corridor back of the stage, he thought he smelled smoke.
... Yep, definitely my high school.
'It seems to be coming from under the stage,' Ned decided, and opened the door to the stairway.
Nope, it's probably coming from the bathrooms by the gym- trust me on this one.
He ran down the steps.
A thin wisp of smoke was coming from the prop room next to the dressing rooms. A fire extinguisher hung on the wall. He grabbed it. Turning the heavy spray can over, he sent a volume of foam onto a pile of clothes which were on fire in the center of the floor.
...
'Oh, Nancy, I'm glad you've come. I'm afraid this is too much of a blaze for me to put out alone.'" (page 58-59)
... Yeah, the small clothing fire *would* be too big of a job for Ned, wouldn't it?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"[Ned] grabbed the new extinguisher, which was more effective,
Not when he's using it, it's not.
and played it on the flames. Nancy sprayed a stream with the one he had used. Finally the blaze began to die down." (page 62)
It's like the flames just look at Nancy and surrender- she's like Chuck Norris or something.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'You put out the fire?' a girl asked unbelievingly. 
Girl: "After all my hard work setting it? How could you!"
'Why, it's Nancy Drew!' Oh, I think you're wonderful! I could never be that brave!'
Girl: "I think I probably would have just let myself burn!"
'This is my friend Ned Nickerson,' Nancy said.
Girl: "... Yeah, but nobody cares about him. Moving on."
'He discovered the fire and should get the credit.'" (page 62)
Nancy: "In fact, we're expecting a call back from the US Patenting Office any day now!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"One officer said, 'What I'd like to know is his motive for starting the fire. It's rather farfetched, but it is possible that someone who was turned down for a part in the play became disgruntled and wanted revenge.'
Officer: "After all, there are people who would do anything to get a chance to perform at the River Hights Podunk Community Center."
Mr. Skank, do you by any chance know of such a person?'
'No,' the director answered quickly.
Mr. Skank: "I mean, would you take a look at my name? I never turn anyone down."
'But I understand there's a gang of firebugs around here.'" (page 64)
Mr. Skank: "Saw a few of 'em flying around my backyard last night, as a matter o' fact."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"'I'm glad to go,' Nancy said to Ned. 'I couldn't possibly have rehearsed my part. All I want to do is get home and shampoo my hair. It smells of smoke and my clothes do too.'" (page 64)
Ned: "Well, maybe if you put out your cigarette-"
Nancy: "Nonsense! It's the fire's fault!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Ned reminded Nancy that a person with Gus's reputation was unpredictable.
'He could be capable of almost anything.
Ned: "I've seen One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest! I know what them crazy folks are like!"
It's my guess he's trying to harm you or me, Nancy, so you won't be able to continue with the case. Then he'd be free to carry on his tapping without interruption.'" (page 64)
Ned: "Trust me on this one- you don't want to try to stop a rogue tapper on your own. Could get ya killed!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Mr. Drew nodded. 'I don't see how his parents stood it. And Gus was pretty cool about it all. Listen to this item:
"August 28- We're still at the Grand Hotel and everybody in it bores me.
Gus: "Maybe I'll set them all on fire."
This morning I sneaked off before breakfast and helped myself to a motorboat.
Gus: It was a bit tougher than I had expected, but better than the dining hall's pancakes, at least."
Boy, did I have fun! Scared a lot of people on the late half out of their wits.
Gus: "In fact, I'm beginning to suspect that I'm not the only sentient being on this planet."
I pulled in near a dock where I saw a man's clothes. Guess he'd gone swimming.
Gus: "I was really looking forward to the live peep show."
And there was a wallet; just waiting for me to take it!"
Gus: "So I thought, why watch a naked guy swim once when I can buy some videos and see ass whenever I want to?"
'I'd say the guy is an egomaniac," the lawyer added.
Or just a ridiculously bratty kid.
The last notation in the diary, Mr. Drew pointed out, had been written four years before on the day Gus had been taken to the Beverly. This puzzled Nancy. If Gus had recently visited his old home, why hadn't he written this in his diary?" (page 65-66)
Because I know that when I break into my old house after having moved out, the first thing I'm going to do is break out the old journal. Uh-huh.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"The following morning Nancy hurried to the kitchen to prepare her father's breakfast." (page 66)
Say, isn't it Hannah's job to fix the fried motorboat each morning?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"'Girls,' said Nancy, 'the cat thief was here last night and took five more Persians.'
'Oh, no!' Bess cried out.
'See what happens when we're not here to guard the garage?' George remarked.
Because things went so well when you were there.
Bess looked sober. Hesitatingly she confessed that on the drive to Berryville she had told George she would not sleep in the garage another night.
'But I guess I'll have to change my mind,' Bess said." (page 71)
Bess: "Please don't hurt me!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"A couple stopped. The woman said to the man, 'Oh, Claude dear, I'd love to have one of these. What do you say?'
'Nothing doing,' he answered rather roughly. 'Those long-haired cats get hairs all over the place.' He took the woman's arm and pulled her away from the booth." (page 75)
Claude: "Now, let's get you back into the kitchen."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"At that moment three judges- two women and a man-
Narrator: "None of whom could get laid..."
walked up and carefully examined Miss Carter's Persians.
Man: "Hmmm... they certainly look tasty!"
A few moments later they were off to confer, then returned, smiling. One of the women placed the 'Best in Show' ribbon on Abatha's cage.
Woman: "We don't even need to look at the other cats- you're Nancy Drew, so you win by default!"
'How wonderful!' Bess exclaimed.
Hyperventilate into a paper bag until you've calmed down, Bess.
The other woman put a first-place blue ribbon on Rosemond. All the other cats received second-place red awards." (page 74)
Nancy's Sueness affects all those around her, it seems (except Ned).
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"When she returned several minutes later, George was very excited.
Bess: "Here, want my bag?"
'Girls,' she exclaimed. 'I'm sure that the five Persian cats in booth thirty are some that were stolen from Miss Carter!'" (page 75)
... Well, it's a convenient way to eliminate the competition, if nothing else.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"'I wonder if Bess sold any cats,' said George as the girls went on. As they neared booth ten, they saw only four cats.
Bess greeted them with a giggle.
Bess: "I told you, you just have to know how to rough 'em up a bit!"
'Want to know who the real salesman is around here?' she asked, thumping her chest.
Bess: "Me, salesman! You, failure!"
'Congratulations,' said Nancy." (page 78)
Nancy: "But if you start getting too uppity, I will kill you."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Now listen, young lady!' the other officer said. 'Don't you know it's a serious offense to bring out the police on a wild-goose chase like this?'
Man, I love it when the police call her out on her shit.
Bess was aghast. She said quickly, 'Nancy has done nothing wrong. She's an amateur detective
Bess: "And therefore, in my eyes, God!"
and we've been trying to trace cats that were stolen from a woman we know. Her name's Carter.'
The taller of the two men looked at Nancy. 'Amateur detective, eh?' He scoffed. 'Well, if there's one thing in this world I have no use for it's an amateur detective.'" (page 79)
Eh, they're just jealous that compared to her, the force never gets anything done.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Nancy was so appreciative of the woman's assistance she could have kissed her." (page 80)
Nancy! What would Hannah say?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"The taller detective turned to Nanc. 'I'm sorry I thought you were kidding us.'
*sigh* And another one bites the dust...
Then he quickly defended himself. 'The police get so many phony calls I guess we're kind of rough on people sometimes.'
Detective: "And the big 'WARNING' poster the chief has in the station kind of set me on edge... you know, your titan hair isn't all that attractive when it's blown up to so many pixels."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"[Nancy] took the Persian from its cage and fondled the fluffy animal. Maybe her gesture would appeal to some prospective buyer!" (page 81)
...
...
...
I don't think I can do anything with that sentence that it doesn't already do all by itself.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Nancy continued to cajole the Persian to climb down, but without success. Bess and George tried persuading the cat to come back, but they had no luck either.
'There's only one thing left to do,' said Nancy. 'I'm glad I wore pants.'
Um?
She caught the beam above, hoisted herself onto it, and walked along it to the rafter." (page 82)
Oh...! Well, that's all right, then.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Nancy assured Bess she would be all right and continued to climb. Onlookers began to gather and offer all kinds of advice. Most of the men urged Nancy to go on but to be careful. The women begged her to come down." (page 84)
You know, someday I'm going to figure out a way to teleport into a Nancy Drew book, encourage danger, and blow their minds.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"'Come, pussy,' [Nancy] coaxed. 'Nobody's going to hurt you.'" (page 84)
!!
....
I hate the internet. It has ruined me.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"At that moment the young man who had taken [Nancy's] picture said, 'I want it for our local paper. Quite a story. Please tell me your name and address.
Man: "... Is that a convincing enough story for you?"
Nancy did not relish this publicity but did not see how she could avoid it.
How about by not telling him anything?
She identified herself." (page 88-89)
Honestly, Nancy. And you wonder why you get kidnapped so often.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Miss Carter shook her head. 'I appreciate all this,' she said, 'but, Nancy, you shouldn't have taken the chance.' Then she chuckled. 'You must be as lithe as a kitten yourself!'" (page 90)
Nancy: "Man, I hate it when the little old ladies hit on me."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"[Nancy] and Mrs. Bealing hurried off to the market. 'This is very exciting,' the nurse said. 'Now all we need is to have the tapper show up and spoil the show. I can't understand why the police havne't rounded up somebody in this case.
Maybe because the police are freaking useless in these books?
Well, what do you think we should have for dinner?'
'Steak is always safe,' Nancy replied." (page 92)
Just wait till Mad Cow Disease lands, hon.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"At exactly seven o'clock the front doorbell rang. Nancy went to answer, followed by Bess and George. They had already decided that the meeting between Miss Carter and Mr. Simpson should take place alone in the living room." (page 93-94)
Narrator: "With the rest looking on through a discreetly placed peephole, of course."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"[Mr. Simpson] had not taken his eyes from [Miss Carter] and how he said, 'I played the part of the fool in the story for so long I guess I just lived the part in my everyday life.
... Is this book secretly trying to tell me that I should stop RPing sociopathic characters? Because that shit's just not happening.
In any case I was a fool to think my work was more important than marrying my leading lady.'
Mmmm, be careful about that, Mr. Simpson... The X-Files went that way, too, and it never recovered.
Bess had been touched by the story and the meeting.
In keeping with her one of her two main personality characteristics- glutton and bleeding-heart romantic.
Now she looked directly at the couple and said, 'It's not too late!'
Her remark was so unexpected that there was dead silence for several minutes. Bess, embarrassed, apologized profusely, but Toby smiled at her gratefully.
Toby: "Thank you so much for meddling in our love lives to a ridiculously creepy degree!"
'You have said the very thing I wanted to,' he told her and looked lovingly at Miss Carter. 'As soon as you are well again, what say we try it?'
Toby: "I hear they sell pills now!"
Everyone waited anxiously for her answer. Taking Toby Simpson's hand and kissing him on the
Woah, are they really going to go that far in a Nancy Drew book?!
cheek,
... Yeah, I didn't think so, either.
she said, 'I'll try it if you think I can be of help to you.'
Toby: "Oh, trust me, it doesn't take much to get me going anymore."
'Oh, you can!'
Bess: "... I'm starting to get the feeling that they're not just talking about the grocery shopping."
George: "Same. Let's leave.
Now."
Now there was real rejoicing." (page 95)
Everyone: "Yay, the old people's' sex lives have been saved!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"As Nancy put down the phone, Mr. Simpson carrying Miss Carter came into the hall.
He laughed gaily and said, 'I though I'd bring my bride-to-be to her room.
Mr. Simpson: "And you ALL know what happens there!"
Also, I wanted to say good night to the rest of you!
ORGY TIME!
Nancy and the others accompanied the couple of Miss Carter's room, where they all
Uh, now might be a good time for a scene break. Please.
chatted a while." (page 100)
... Never mind; false alarm.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Nancy's loud tapping had aroused the sleepers upstairs." (page 101-102)
... There are just... so many things wrong with that sentence that I don't even know where to start.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"George came to stand in front of her friend. 'Let's face it. The tapper is really cool.
George: "We'll never get into his inner circle!"
Why don't we forget him and just try to find out why he was tapping?'" (page 102-103)
... So, to figure out his motives, you need to stop thinking about him in general? Oh yeah, that makes loads of sense, George.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"'There are a lot of deep dents in the wood,' [Nancy] remarked, 'but I don't hear any hollow sounds.
'Probably,' said George, 'the man was tapping to attract your attention and just goading you on to hunt for him.'
'But why?' Nancy asked.
'That's a good question,' George replied.
George: "Maybe the tapper like likes you, Nancy."
Nancy moved the stepladder a few feet and tapped again on the ceiling. In a moment her eyes lighted up. 'George, I've found something!'
George held the flashlight toward the spot. 'See any opening or cracks?' she asked hopefully.
'No, but I think this beam moves. Climb up here with me and see if we can budge it.'
Nancy: "Uh, these beams aren't needed to hold the ceiling up or anything, are they?"
George: "Nah, I'm pretty sure they're just decoration."
Nancy: "SCORE!"
The two girls pushed and pulled on the beam. 'Is it my imagination,' George said presently, 'or did this move a teeny bit?'
'I think it did,' Nancy replied. 'Let's pull harder.'" (page 103)
I'm expecting a resounding "CRASH!" any second now.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"'Come here quick!'
Nancy and George dashed to the kitchen. Bess was already running out the back door. The other girls followed.
'What's up?' George queried.
Bess pointed. Mrs. Bealing and Hannah Gruen were bending over an unconscious man, who was face down in the driveway!" (page 104)
Bess: "I tried to stop them; really I did- but they just attacked!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Hannah Gruen spoke up. 'Your husband isn't dead. He's just unconscious. I think we'd better carry him into the house, and if he doesn't revive soon, we'll call a doctor.'" (page 106)
Hannah: "Let's give him, say... three days."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"What happened to you?' [Nancy] asked.
'I got hit on the head.'
'By whom?'
'I don't know,' Mr. Bunce answered. 'Someone cam up behind me. I'm all right now and I've got a headache. I'll thank all of you to go.'
Mr. Bunce: "All right, all right, you saved my life- now LEAVE!"
'We will,' Nancy replied. 'But before we leave, will you tell us if you have any idea who hit you?'
'Yes, I have,' Bunce answered." (page 107)
... Waitasecond. He just said that he didn't know!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Nancy was the last to leave. As she was going out the kitchen door, Mrs. Bunce stopped her and said,
Mrs. Bunce: "I'm trapped in a loveless marriage- help me!"
'You've asked us so many questions. I have one for you. Why were all of you out in the yard?'
Mrs. Bunce: "How dare you spend time in your own front yard!"
Nancy decided not to give the whole reason.
Nancy: "She doesn't need to know about the midnight Satanic rituals."
'We couldn't sleep either,' she said." (page 108)
Nancy: "We always congregate in front of the house whenever we can't sleep!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Nancy said she would pass along the latest information about Gus to the authorities, then expressed her thanks and said good-by. Two minutes later she was talking with the sergeant on duty at Berryville Police Headquarters." (page 115)
Thanks to the power of teleportation!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
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