[identity profile] banerry.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] whatnancysaid
Our intrepid detective works to take down an international jewel thief and uncover the mystery behind a haunted bridge (one possible explanation: teenagers getting it on), all while single-handedly (literally) winning a golf tournament against world-renowned players.
BONUS: Bess and George give Nancy a very thorough backrub after she sprains her hand. We are apparently supposed to accept this as a logical plotpoint, and not the obvious excuse for foreplay that it totally is.

"'Sorry, miss, but I wouldn't go near that bridge for a million dollars,' said the young, freckle-faced caddy.
'Why, Chris?' Nancy Drew asked him.
She had just driven her golf ball over two hundred yards into a patch of woods bordering the sixteenth hole. A rustic footbridge stood at the far side of it.
Chris: "Because I've read some of your earlier books, lady, and I know what happens when you try to cross something like that!"
'Because the place is haunted, that's why.'
... Yeah, or that.
Nancy, a slender attractive girl of eighteen with reddish-blond hair, was intrigued. She requested more details. Before Chris could answer, the other girls who were in Nancy's threesome walked toward her with their caddies." (page 1)
Nancy's threesome? Well, at least they're finally coming right out and admitting it.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Martin Bartescue had met the girls the previous evening and immediately he had tried to make a golfing date with Nancy. Although she had heard the man was a very good player, she had taken an instant dislike to him,
Of course.
and politely declined the invitation." (page 5)
This probably means that she glared at him "coldly" and spoke in "civil yet harsh" tones, or something.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"[Martin Bartescue] took the club from the girl's hand, and to the annoyance of the trio
threesome!
insisted upon giving a demonstration of what he considered to be Nancy's fault. Without commenting on his criticism, Nancy walked to her ball and, in her usual good form, hit a beautiful shot down the middle of the fairway.
You know, I really hope that Nancy doesn't write fanfiction.
'That's fine,' Bartescue nodded. 'You'll make a par five on this hole, the way the pros do.'
Oh yeah, I can totally see where they're coming from- he's so awful, the way her offers helpful advice and encouragement!
Determined to play her best, Nancy approached the eighteenth green. Her ball was only five feet from the cup.
I'd miss.
Intensely annoyed because Bartescue was still offering advice, she stepped up to putt. The ball rolled in a straight line toward the cup and came to a stop at the very edge of it.
'Oh, Nancy! What a shame!' Bess wailed.
Immediately Bartescue jumped up and down on the ground.
Oh please, Martin, you're a bit old for tantrums.
The vibration caused the ball to drop into the cup.
... I can think of several things I would like to say in response to this sentence, but I'm going to be mature and not mention any of them.
'There, Nancy! You made a par five.'
'That wasn't fair, Mr. Bartescue,' she said severely. 'I'll add an extra putt which gives me a six.'" (page 7)
Nancy: "Only my lackeys may cheat for me."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"[Carson's Angels] glanced around to find Bartescue standing there. 'So far my score is the lowest turned in,' he added." (page 11)
Lowest? How is that something to brag abou- oh yeah, golf. My bad.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"After giving a brief explanation, [Nancy] asked the desk clerk if she might look at the registration cards of recent guests.
Desk Clerk: "Um, no?"
'Certainly, Miss Drew. Glad to be of help at any time.'" (page 13)
Desk Clerk: "Especially when it involves violating our guests' privacy! That makes me all hot inside!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"... Nancy said, 'Here's a new mystery. Bartescue uses at least two different styles of handwriting.'
*gasp* STRING HIM UP!
She told about the registration cards.
And probably several aliases,' George commented with a look of disgust.
Yes, aliases are the work of the devil, aren't they, Debbie Lynbrook?
'Anyway, hereafter I'm going to call him Barty.'
Um, why?
'Barty the Barge-In!' Bess said." (page 14)
George: "... Shut up, Bess. It's my pet name for him, not yours."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Unexpectedly [Bartescue] began to move closer.
'Nancy, you are very attractive. In all my life, I've never met anyone that I-'
Um, ew? How old is this guy supposed to be again?
Nancy took a step backward." (page 16)
Nancy: "Ugh, old man cooties!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"The situation was intensely embarrassing to [Nancy]. She did not wish to explain that her fall from the terrace had been caused by trying to avoid Bartescue's unwelcome attentions." (page 17)
Because heaven forbid a girl say no!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"'Let me see the injury, Nancy,' George demanded. 
'There's nothing to see. The skin isn't even broken. But my hand still hurts!'
'You must go to a doctor,' George urged." (page 17)
George: "After all, it's not like you have something as insignificant as a concussion going on here."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"'Well,' [Dr. Aikerman] said finally, 
Dr. Aikerman: "I'm sorry. I'm guessing you have three more months, tops."
after studying Nancy with twinkling eyes, 'I suppose you could play [in the golf tournament]. But right now I advise against it.
So, can she or can't she...?
However, by tomorrow night I may alter my opinion.'
Dr. Aikerman: "For a significant sum of money, that is."
Dr. Aikerman picked up his physician's bag.
Dr. Aikerman: "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go return this to the real doctor I took it from."
'Nancy, I suggest a hot bath and a body massage to prevent your muscles from becoming stiff.'
Bess: (quickly) "I agree with his suggestion."
The idea rather appealed to Nancy,
Oh, I'll bet.
who felt battered and sore.
After the doctor had gone, George spoke up, 'Bess and I could give you a good rub.'
Nancy regarded her dubiously.
Nancy: "George, I think the objective here  is to make me feel less battered and sore."
'There's absolutely nothing to it,' Bess put in. 'You locate the various muscles and then rub until the soreness is all gone.'
Bess: "I saw it on TV, honest!"
Nancy allowed herself to be persuaded. After the hot bath,
And who helped with that, hmmm?
she stretched herself full length on the bed.
Nancy: "Do your worst."
'Where do you hurt the most?' George inquired.
'Everywhere,' Nancy groaned.
Now, wait a second- I thought she only hurt her hand.
'Oh, don't rub in that spot, please, George. 
... I've said it before, and I'll say it again: the ghost writers are doing it on purpose.
It's too tender!'
'I have to massage the muscles,' her friend insisted.
George: "Even that one!"
'Where did you get that bottle of liniment?' Nancy demanded. 'It smells awful.'
George: "Uh... what liniment, Nancy?"
'This is a free massage, so don't be critical.'
Bess relieved George when the latter's arms grew weary of the task. There was no rest or relaxation for Nancy. She was pummeled and pounded by her well-meaning but inexperienced masseuses until she felt ready to cry from sheer exhaustion.
Oh, honestly. All she's doing is lying there. Get a grip, Nancy.
'Oh, girls, I can't stand it anymore,' she pleaded finally.
Person in the Room Next Door: (banging on the wall) "What the HELL is going on in there?"
'Just let me crawl under the covers and go to sleep.'" (page 20)
Nancy: "... With you."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"A familiar voice at the other end of the line said cheerily, 'Hello. Nancy? This is Ned. 
Joy.
Can you hear me?'
Ned: "Because I'm not quite sure how phones work yet... I just need to talk into this little speaker here? Are you sure this works?"
'Perfectly. Hi!' 
Nancy: "Isn't modern technology wonderful?"
'Your voice doesn't sound natural,' Ned Nickerson remarked.
Yes, Ned, people do sound a bit different over the phone! Good job!
'I guess I shouldn't have bothered you so late at night.
Ned: "As a general rule, is one in the morning okay?"
But I thought maybe you weren't having a very exciting time and would like to hear from an old friend, meaning me.'" (page 21)
I love Ned. He's such an idiot.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"'I'd like to give [Martin Bartescue] a going over he wouldn't forget!' Ned replied angrily." (page 21)
Ned: "I'll check his credit! I'll file his taxes!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"While the Drews were riding along, the lawyer revealed to his daughter that for the past week he had been working on the legal angles of a smuggling case involving an international ring of jewel thieves. 
'It has baffled New York detectives.'" (page 24)
GASP! Does this mean a return of Boycey Osborne and the Dork Society?!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"The place was deserted, except for a maide and an attractive-looking woman in her early twenties. Nancy gazed at the latter intently and immediately noted the sad expression on her face. 
'She can't be the person I'm after,' Nancy thought..." (page 27)
Oh, please, please be the person she's after.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"[Sad-Eyed Woman] paused as she powdered her face, then went on, 'I formerly lived only a short distance from [Deer Mountain Hotel].  My home was destroyed by fire.'" (page 29)
Sad-Eyed Woman: "Damn Fire Nation."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"'You were gone such a long while we began to wonder what happened to you,' George said as Nancy threw herself down into an overstuffed chair. 'Tired?'
'Oh, a little, and my hand is hurting me again.'" (page 30)
Nancy: "I think it needs another full-body massage."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"Bess put in teasingly, 'While you were away, Nancy, [Bartescue] telephoned twice.'" (page 30)
Bess: "He probably would have called more than that, but Ned kind of tied up the line by calling every five minutes."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"Reluctantly Bess followed [Nancy and George] out of the room. By the time the girls reached the woods Bess began to lose her fear and to share their zest for the adventure." (page 31)
... Okay, you two, what did you slip in her drink?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"From somewhere up the ravine to their left came a fearful cry that rose to a screeching crescendo, then faded away with a tremulous wail.
Meh. If you spend any amount of time in my bnad class, you get used to that.
'What was that?' whispered Bess.
'Maybe some kind of wild animal,' replied George uneasily.
'Perhaps,' Nancy said doubtfully. 'But what could it be? I don't think there's anything larger than deer in these woods.'" (page 31-32)
Well, have you seen The Ring 2?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"'The scarecrow is so wobbily,' said George, 'that the slightest breeze, or any vibration of the bridge causes it to move.'
'Seeing the movement from a distance, I suppose the caddies imagined the figure was crossing the bridge,' Nancy added.
Sounds like the caddies need to have their medication checked.
'Well, I guess the mystery of the haunted bridge is solved,' concluded George." (page 33)
On page 33? Not likely.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"'Shall we go to the other side?' Nancy asked.
'The bridge doesn't look safe to me,' Bess protested.
Nancy: "What, too chicken to cross the road bridge?"
'I think it will hold me,'  Nancy said.
Nancy: "But not you, 'cause you're fat."
As she cautiously stepped onto the bridge, the rickety boards creaked. 
Bess shuddered. 'Oh, Nancy, please don't go any farther!' she cried. 'There's nothing to see on the other side!'" (page 34)
Nancy: "CHICKENNNNN!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"Suddenly the railing billowed outward." (page 34)
Well, then, there's her problem. One should never attempt to cross a brige with cloth railings. Ever.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"'I'd very much like to find that ball,' [Nancy] said. 'It's a prize one of mine. Jimmy Harlow, the champion, autographed it for me.'" (page 34)
Well, then why were you playing with it?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"Nancy, you certainly were born lucky,' George remarked.
George: (darkly) "I, on the other hand, was lucky to be born!"
'You lose a golf ball and find a treasure chest!'" (page 36)
George: "Say, have you ever tried losing your wallet?"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"'The thing that interests me is, how did [the chest] get here- so close to the haunted bridge?'
'Perhaps the scarecrow put it there on his off-duty hours!' Bess suggested with a grin.
'Ha-ha. Very funny,' her cousin answered. 'Sounds like your brain has gone off duty.'" (page 37)
Ah, irony!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"Nancy was annoyed. [Bartescue] will be certain to see the chest and ask a million questions about it!' she murmured." (page 38)
Nancy: "God, I just hate it when I meet people like me!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"'How are you feeling today?'
'Very well, except for my hand. One finger is still pretty useless,' Nancy replied." (page 38)
*snerk* You'd better elaborate, Nancy, because one can deduce quite a lot from that simple statement.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"'We need something with a sharp point,' George declared as she studied the little chest. 'If only we had an ice pick or something with a-' 
Nancy sprang to her feet, her eyes full of excitement.
'Why didn't I think of it before?'" (page 39)
Nancy: "You know that ice pick you always carry everywhere?"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"As Nancy passed the flower shop, she paused a moment to admire the beautiful display in the window. 
'It would be nice for me to send Bess and George each a bouquet,' she mused." (page 40)
Nancy: "I think it would send just the right amout of hilarious ambiguity into our already dubious relationship."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"As she paused for a moment, Nancy remarked, 'The lid on this mystery chest is stubborn.'
Bess said, 'Why don't you stop for a while? It's almost dinnertime. We should dress.'
Reluctantly Nancy agreed.
Nancy: "Even though I really like being naked with you guys."
The girls had just finished changing when a boy appeared at the door bearing two boxes from the florist shop.
'They're for Nancy, of course,' Bess sighed wistfully. 'Barty is a pest but at least he's generous.'
George looked at one of the boxes. 'This is addressed to me!' she cried in surprise. 'There must be some mistake.'" (page 42)
Uh, yeah, glad to see that being friends with Nancy is having no effect on their self-esteem at all.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"'[Barty] seems to have plenty of money and apparently doesn't work,' Nancy replied.
How would you know? He's on vacation just like you guys!
'Still, it never occurred to me that he might be a criminal.'" (page 44)
Even though you hate him? Nancy, I'm shocked.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"'And another thing,' the doctor added. 'If your hand begins paining you after you've started to play, you must default the match. Otherwise I won't be responsible for your case.'
After all, I'm sure you know how dangerous sprained wrists are. I don't envy your situation, young lady- not one bit."
'I promise,' Nancy murmured.
Nancy: (under her breath) "Sucker..."
The girls were rather subdues as they went to their rooms.
'I don't think you should try to play in the tournament,' Bess declared.
Bess: "I mean, what if you die?!"
'If you don't participate, people will realize it's because of your injured hand. It's no disgrace to default.'
'But I want to play,' Nancy replied. 'My mind is made up.'
'Then,' George said, 'if you're determined to do it, the best thing is to go to bedand get all the rest you can.'" (page 47)
What is wrong with you guys? It's just a sprained wrist!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"The carved brass case was filled to the top with jewelry. Even a casual glance assured Nancy and her friends that the pieces were genuine." (page 47-48)
Ahem- don't be so sure about that. Remember, you've been fooled before...
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"'I'm afraid my final score won't be as low as I'd like,' Nancy replied. 'That is, not unless I make pars on the last three holes. Number sixteen isn't my favorite, either.'
She smiled significantly at Chris, who averted his eyes in embarrassment. He was still ashamed because he had refused to search for her lost ball near the haunted bridge." (page 51)
Ah, that's our Nancy- manipulating and humiliating her way through life!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"Nancy looked up and down the stream. 'This is probably the only place near here to cross the ravine,' she said. 'I think the bridge should bear our weight of we walk over one at a time.'" (page 57)
Nancy: "And if Bess doesn't come at all."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"There was a huge pile of debris in the very center of the clearing. A charred pillar and several half-burned timbers rose from it. Little else remained of the pretentious mansion.
'Is this what we've come to see?' Bess asked in disgust.
'What did you expect- that some genie had restored the house?' George replied." (page 59)
Well, yes, houses that burn down will often be rebuilt, George...
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"Nancy was absorbed with her own thoughts. Could Margaret Judson be a member of the international gang of jewel thieves?
'No, not if I'm any judge of character. She just didn't look like the type,' Nancy reflected." (page 60)
NANCY. For all you know, you haven't even met her.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"'Is any member of the Judson family living in the community now?'
'Oh, no. They're all gone and no one knows what became of Margaret Judson except perhaps the gardener.'
Mrs. Sutter did not recall the man's name nor where he lived.
'I heard that he goes to the Judson place sometimes and cuts the weeds.'" (page 65)
Mrs. Sutter: "He wants to keep the charred ruins as nice as possible."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"Nancy was stunned by the false accusation. In the office she faced Miss Allison and demanded, 'How could you say such a thing? You know it isn't true.'
'It certainly is,' the woman retorted.
Miss Allison: "And don't think I don't know you think my mother is a crackpot."
'I'm sure you moved your ball. Otherwise you never could have reached the fairway in one shot. I distinctly heard your caddy tell you that shot was unplayable.'
Chris: "Hey, don't listen to me! I don't know anything!"
'Nevertheless, I made it.'" (page 75)
Nancy: "Because I'm perfect, dammit!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"'Why, Miss Allison's accusation is utterly false,' [Barty] stated firmly. 'It so happens that I was walking along the woods as the match was being played. I saw Miss Drew drive into the trees, and I watched her execute
GASP! Nancy!
her shot onto the fairway. It was a beauty.'
Barty: "I was so turned on."
'Oh, thank you,' Nancy gasped gratefully.
Nancy: "Believe me, I was, too."
For the first time she decided that Barty had his good points." (page 75)
Oh sure, you say that when he's lying through his teeth to save your skin.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"'I didn't meant to run off,' Nancy replied quickly. 'I thought I saw Miss Judson enter the elevator. I wanted to speak with her. Have you seen her tonight?'
[Barty] answered her with a mysterious smile,
Barty: "I think the question is, what part of her haven't I seen tonight?"
 'Let's forget Miss Judson and enjoy this next dance.'
Barty: "She ain't got nothin' that I don't, baby."
Against her will Nancy was led back to the ballroom. She did not try to escape from her partner again.
I'm just curious to see what Ned will have to say about this when he shows up.
Shortly before the last dance, she found an opportunity to remind Bess and George to follow closely in their car during the ride back to the hotel." (page 84)
Nancy: (yelling across the dance floor) "Hey, lackeys! Don't forget that you're going to be my Date Rape Prevention Squad tonight, m'kay?"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"Soon they were within view of the old bridge. Bess shivered and kept close to her companions. Suddenly they were startled to hear the same moaning and groaning sounds which had perplexed them on their first visit.
Okay, guys, it's probably just some teenagers getting nasty under the bridge Seriously.
'Oh!' Bess squealed, clutching George's arm.
Nancy warned her to be quiet,
Nancy: "Shut your piehole, you freakin' pansy!"
and for several minutes the girls stood perfectly still, waiting for the sound to be repeated. There was only a rustle of leaves in the breeze.
I believe the noise came from somewhere right around here,' said Nancy. 'Let's investigate. Maybe we'll find someone's in hiding, playing a joke.'" (page 88)
... I really hope my theory is correct, because the discovery scene would be hilarious. Especially since I suspect that none of these girls know what sex is.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"A moment later a shrill scream broke the stillness. 
Wow, they're really not trying to hide themselves, are they?
This time Nancy was certain that the cry had come from some distance up the ravine.
'Let's go!' she urged excitedly. 'We'll solve the mystery of these strange sounds yet!'" (page 88-89)
George: "Hey, I heard from someone down at the hotel that there's some sort of movie being filmed up here..."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"Apparently satisfied that the sound he had heard was made by some wild animal, the hunter slowly walked on again. Moments later the girls heard a loud explosion and saw a sudden flash of fire. They gasped in horror as the man uttered a sharp moan of pain." (page 89)
Tsk. Azula! Stop attacking the guests! Honestly.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"The picture was of a beautiful young girl. Across the bottom in a bold scrawl were the words: 
To my faithful friend
Joe Haley
Margaret Judson
Nancy thought of the man who lay motionless on the bed. Was he Joe Haley and was Joe Haley the Judson gardener?
'The girl in the photograph is the one I met in the powder room at Hemlock Hall!' she told herself. 'I was right about her identity.'" (page 91)
... Okay, fine, you were. But that still doesn't make it logical, Nancy.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"Nancy opened the cabin door, glad to find the rain had stopped. She stared in astonishment as six persons emerged from among the trees. George and Dr. Aikerman were in the lead. Directly behind them were Carson Drew and Ned Nickerson. Then came Burt Eddleton, George's
beard.
friend, and Dave Evans, who dated Bess.
'Hi!' said everyone." (page 94)
Everyone: "We're the entire regular cast of the series! Hi!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"'A man is really needed around here,' Nancy commented, and told about the mountain lion penned nearby.
Bess gasped. 'Is that what we heard?'
'Yes,' Nancy replied.
Ned spoke up. 'How about Burt and Dave and me staying?'" (page 95)
Oh sure, you guys will make perfect lion food.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"Nancy asked, 'By the way, Dad, did you win your tennis match against Mr. Bartescue?'
'No, he defeated me two out of three sets,' Mr. Drew admitted ruefully.
'Oh, I was certain you'd beat him, Dad. He must be a good player.'
'Far better than I expected. We had a few close decisions as to whether balls were inside or outside the court, but I'm offering no alibis. A defeat now and then is good for anyone.' Mr. Drew chuckled." (page 97)
Carson: "Except for you, dear. You just get PMS-y."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"In her imagination [Nancy] could see [Barty] linked with the jewel thieves. His acquaintance with the mysterious Margaret Judson, as well as his suspicious trick of altering his signature, perhaps to avoid identification, made it easy to visualize him as one of the gang." (page 99)
Moral of this story: Never, ever get on Nancy's bad side, or you may just find yourself a suspected member of an international smuggling ring.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"Nancy returned to the hotel and explained her plan to Bess and George. 'I'll borrow Ned's car and trail Barty when he leaves for his appointment with Margaret Judson.'
Nancy: "Meh, Ned probably won't mind."
Ned had given Nancy his key in case she wanted to use his car." (page 101)
*sigh* Oh, Ned.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"Before Nancy, Bess, and George were half through dinner, Barty abruptly rose and left.
'No dessert tonight,' Nancy said hurriedly to the waiter. 'We must leave now.'" (page 102)
Bess: "But... but..." *wails*
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"Suddenly [Nancy] halted, staring blankly at the place where she had parked Ned's car. Bess, George, and the automobile had vanished!
The Automobile: "It wasn't my idea, I swear!"
Nancy was dismayed for an instant. During her absence had harm come to her friends? After a little sober reflection, Nancy convinced herself that George and Bess had driven off somewhere deliberately." (page 103)
Nancy: "Why, they ditched me! Those... those punks!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"'Nancy!' called a voice.
She whirled to see Ned Nickerson, who had driven up in his car. He sprang out to open the door for her.
'Bess and George sent me after you,' he explained. 'They're back at the hotel.'
'At the hotel?'
Ned: "At the hotel. Your turn."
'They didn't mean to run off, but
Ned: "... They sorta did anyway."
right after you left, Bartescue came out of the theater by a side door, so they followed him.'
'Where did he go?' Nancy inquired. 
'Right back to the hotel. I happened to be there when the girls arrived. Since I wanted to talk to you,
Ned: "About my *feelings*."
they asked me to come for you.'" (page 104)
Ned: "Uh... do you buy that?"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"George was writing letters, while Bess, propped up with pillows, had been reading in bed.
Bess: "The cat... s-sat on... the mat..."
'Is your book a good one?' Nancy inquired.
Bess made a face. 'The title sounded great, but it turned out to be about medieval history.
How does one accidentally read a book on medieval history? Only Bess, I suppose.
It's pretty heavy reading.
Bess: "It's called Braveheart."
Here, take a look!'
She tossed the book across the room,
Book: "FREEEEEDOMMMMMMM!"
expecting that her friend would catch it. Nancy was glancing in another direction and did not see the object flying toward her. In seconds the heavy volume had struck her injured hand.
Nice one, Bess.
'Oh!' she exlclaimed, trying to smother a cry of pain. 
Bess leaped from bed and ran to Nancy's side. 
'Oh, your poor hand! I thought you were watching when I tossed the book. I'll never forgive myself.'" (page 106-107)
Eighty years down the line, Bess is still filled with angst and self-loathing over this little incident.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"Since it was so late, Nancy ordered only orange juice and breakfast rolls.
'You can't win a golf tournament on a diet like that,' protested Bess, 
Bess: "Here, have some of my pancakes, omlettes, bacon, ham, sausage, hash browns, French toast, or sticks of butter."
who loved to eat." (page 111)
She does? Really? I had no idea.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"[Nancy] thought, 'It's rather a coincidence that both Professor Wardell and Mr. Haley are interested in botany and zoology. Is there a connection between the men?'" (page 114)
Yes, that's such an unusual interest.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"Bess, George, Ned, and Mr. Drew were on hand to witness the start of the match, and smiled encouragingly as Nancy stood quietly awaiting her turn to drive off.
'Bring home the silver loving cup,' George urged in a whisper." (page 114)
I'm sorry; the golf trophy is called the what?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"Nancy approached the sagging bridge where the old scarecrow, wet and tattered, was dancing wildly in the wind. It seemed more ghostlike than ever. As the young sleuth hurried past, the spindly 'arms' entwined themselves about her. But she shook herself free." (page 117)
Aw, Nancy, it just wants to *love* you. And don't start a sentence with 'but'!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"An expression of concern remained on Ned's face in spite of the girl's bantering tone. 'Your hand, Nancy!' he exclaimed. 'You've hurt it again!'" (page 118-120)
Nancy: "Mmm-hmm. Care to ask Bess how that happened?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"After Ned had donned a raincoat and left the cabin, Nancy tiptoed to a closet in search of warm garments. The only apparel available were a pair of slacks and an old blue shirt. 
While she was hanging her own wet clothes by a lighted oil stove to dry she heard Mr. Haley tossing and hastened back to him. The man's eyes were wide open.
'Who are you?' he asked in a whisper." (page 121)
Mr. Haley: "And why did you just strip in front of me?"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"'That's good news,' Ned said in obvious relief. 'By the way, you look great in Mr. Haley's clothes.'" (page 122)
How not to compliment your girlfriend- exhibited here by Ned Nickerson.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"Nancy took out the photograph of Margaret Judson and handed it over to Professor Wardell [Joe Haley's nephew]. He stared at it without speaking. An expression of deep anguish crossed his face.
'From something Mr. Haley said, I gathered that he knew this girl well,' Nancy remarked. 'Do you know her?'
'Could I ever forget her?' Wardell said with emotion. 'Margaret Judson and I were engaged to be married, but -' the man's voice faltered." (page 124-125)
Wardell: "- but then she ran off with my uncle and..."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"'You won't be able to cross the ravine to return to your hotel,' Ned told her. 'I'll drive you back.'
'Thanks, Ned, but that won't be necessary. I want you to meet Professor Wardell.'
Nancy: "He's my new boy toy."
She pointed toward a dark corner of the room. 'He has offered to take me in his car, which is parked at the Judson estate.'
Nancy: "So, yeah, I'm replacing you and your car. Sorry."
The stranger rose from a chair and came forward. As the boys were introduced, Ned glanced at the man with a puzzled look. He was wondering how Wardell had become acquainted with Nancy. Even her explanation that he was Mr. Haley's nephew did not lessen Ned's feeling of jealousy.
Oh, just wait till you meet good old Barty.
Nancy gave him a warm smile as if to reassure him. Then she asked Ned to take good care of the patient while she and the professor went to the hotel.
Nancy: "Just be good while the professor and I are gone, okay honey? And maybe I'll give you a cookie when we get back."
'I don't seem to be of much use at anything else,' Ned muttered, turning away." (page 127-128)
That's right, dear. *patpatpat*
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"'Nevertheless,' said Mr. Drew, 'there are a few clues which seem to connect [Margaret Judson] with [the jewel thefts]. For instance, one of the stolen items is a jeweled compact. We know that Miss Judson has one.'
Carson: "Also, it is believed that at least one of the women tied to the ring has hair. So does Miss Judson. Coincidence? I THINK NOT!"
'That is not proof of her guilt,' said the professor.
'Of course not,' agreed Mr. Drew.
Carson: "But you know what they say- guilty until proven innocent and all that."
'It could easily be a coincidence.'" (page 129)
In these books? Yeah, that's not likely.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"'Is Bartescue under suspicion?' Wardell asked.
'Yes,' Carson Drew answered gravely. 'but so far the evidence against him is purely circumstancial.'" (page 130)
Carson: "Meaning that he looked at my daughter funny once."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"Bess and George were still not in their room. Nancy searched the lobby and other places in and around the hotel where the cousins might be but could not find them. 
She returned to Mr. Drew's room and told him that she could not locate Bess and George. 'Would you like to go shopping with me?' she asked.
Nancy: "In the absence of my harem, would you like to gal-pal around with me?"
'Be glad to,' the lawyer agreed. 'I'll give you two minutes to change your clothes.'" (page 131)
Carson: "But if you're not down by then, I'm leaving for Hot Topic without you!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"'Bess and George came down and watched for a while,' Brut said. 'They had planned to visit us at the cabin but couldn't get across the ravine. 
Burt: "Bess wouldn't stop screaming and all... you know the drill."
Nancy, they were concerned about you until we told them you were here during the storm. They went back to the hotel to find you and have dinner.'
Burt: "Mostly to have dinner, though."
'And I came here to cook dinner for you!' Nancy chuckled. 'I was so preoccupied with my shopping list I didn't even think to leave a note for Bess and George. They'll be disappointed when the find out.'" (page 132)
Oh yeah, missing out on the chance to slave away in the kitchen for a bunch of guys. I imagine they'll be so heartbroken.
...
Of course, this is a Nancy Drew book. They probably will be.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"Finally Nancy went to the kitchen and took Miss Judson's photograph from the cupboard drawer, then returned to the sick man.
'Would you like me to place this picture near you where you can see it?' she inquired.
'Yes, please do,' Mr. Haley answered. 'Is Miss Margaret here now?'
'She does not know you've been ill.'
'Then it was a dream- I thought she was seated beside me, holding my hand.'
'Perhaps you confused me with Miss Judson,' Nancy said quietly." (page 133)
Mr. Haley: "... Oh, God. Then please tell me it was a dream when I thought she was stroking my thigh."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"Ned glanced curiously at Nancy. Her next words astonished him even more, as with a quiet intensity in her voice, she added: 
Nancy: "I think I'm finally ready to let you kiss me on the lips, Ned."
'It may sound silly to you, Ned, but I have a strange feeling- call it intuition if you will- that tonight I'll find Margaret Judson!'
Um, okayyyy, Nancy. Just remember that your specialty is seeing into the past, not the future.
'You seem very positive,' Ned commented. 'I certainly hope your hunch is right.'
Ned: "So, about that kissing thing..."
'Can you help me?'
'I thought you didn't need my assistance,' he replied impulsively.
'Oh, Ned, it was just that 
Nancy: "... I needed someone much more competant than you at that moment."
I couldn't explain everything to you about Mr. Wardell, and I'm afraid I can't even now. But sometime I'll be able to.'
'That doesn't matter, Nancy. Just tell me what to do and I'll try to carry out orders.'
Nancy: "Phew! That's better. For a minute there I thought you were going to start having original thoughts or something."
'Ned, are you willing to substitute sleuthing for dancing tonight?'" (page 135-136)
Ned: *sigh* So I guess that whole kissing thing was just a ploy to get me to listen to you, huh?"
Nancy: "Um, yeah. Sorry, but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"'Maybe Margaret Judson has rented a home near the hotel. But she comes to Hemlock Hall once in a while. I want to interview various real-estate agents.'
'But their offices will be closed, Nancy.'
'I know, but we'll call at their homes. Oh, Ned, I must find Margaret Judson tonight!'
Ned: "... If this is you developing another one of your girlcrushes, don't expect me to stick around."
Nancy set out with high hopes of calling on every real-estate agent in the small city of Crofton." (page 141)
Such ambition! She'd make a good telemarketer.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"Finally Nancy interviewed John Spencer, the last agent on her list." (page 141)
 HEY! Seriously? We got Carrie Fisher last book, and now they're throwing John Spencer into the mix? I'm beginning to suspect that Nancy Drew books are part of some weird time portal."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"'I can't imagine who would call me here,' she murmured. 'I don't believe it's from Nancy. It might be from home.'
Her guess was right. Mrs. Fayne, lonesome for the sound of her daughter's voice, had telephoned merely to inquire if George was all right." (page 145)
Mrs. Fayne: "I just get so worried when you go galavanting off with those kids... who knows what sort of trouble a girl can get into! You are still a girl, aren't you, dear?"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"The two couples walked across the grounds toward the caddy house, clearly outlined in the moonlight. The shack had been locked for the night. Disappointed, they turned toward the hotel. 
Suddenly Burt noticed an object gleaming in the grass and stooped to pick it up. 'Someone's keys.'
'One of the golfers, I suppose,' said George. 'We can turn the keys in at the office.'
Burt dropped them into his pocket, and the four friends walked on toward the hotel." (page 146-147)
... I have no words. These four have got to be some of the stupidest people in fiction, EVER. 
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"George glanced quickly towards the caddy shack. Inspired by a sudden thought, 
George: "Hey! I know what movie I'm going to watch tonight!"
she asked Burt for the keys he had found and ran to the locked door to try them. One fit perfectly and she was able to unlock the door." (page 148)
George Fayne: Slightly less of an idiot than everyone else in the NDverse.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"'I seem to have achieved the prize boo-boo,' George said contritely." (page 151)
Nancy: "Excuse me. Have you seen my hand lately?"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"'It happened a little over two years ago,' [Margaret Judson] said. 'On the way home from a trip abroad I met a charming woman named Mrs. Brownell and we became good friends. I finally invited her to spend a weekend at my home.'" (page 153)
Margaret: "I felt confident we were ready to take that next big step."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"'That night as I was preparing for bed, Mrs. Brownell came to my room to show me a jeweled compact. It was exquisite. We chatted for a time, 
Margaret: "And, you know, one thing led to another..."
then she went back to her room. Later I noticed she had left the compact on my dresser.'" (page 154)
Margaret: "It wasn't like it was a ring or anything, but the message was clear."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"'Mrs. Brownell has never stopped bothering me since the compact was lost,' Margaret Judson went on. 'While she has never come to me herself, she has sent a friend.'
'A friend?' Nancy inquired." (page 157)
Nancy: "What's that? Surely you mean a lackey? A crony? A servant, perhaps?"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"The sound of footsteps brought Carson Drew to the door. As he flung it open, Nancy glanced inside and saw that her father had a visitor. She looked at Margaret Judson.
Directly behind Mr. Drew stood Mark Wardell!
Margaret did not see her former fiancé until after she had entered the lighted cabin. Their eyes met in a surprised stare. Neither spoke.
An awkward silence followed. Even Nancy could think of nothing to say or do at such a critical moment." (page 159)
Hmmm, how 'bout you say and do absolutely nothing, and let the two long lost lovers have their peace?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"Mr. Drew, Nancy, and Ned decided that the happy reunion should be private. They slipped quietly into Mr. Haley's bedroom and closed the door." (page 160)
Ned: "Heyyyy, Mr. Haley! We're invading your privacy so that their can have their privacy! Isn't that neat?"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"Mr. Haley, who had been sleeping soundly, stirred restlessly. Margaret Judson stepped forward to take the man's hand in her own.
'Is that you, Miss Margaret?' he asked.
'Yes,' she answered softly. 'You must try to get well.'
The man's eyes roved over her lovely face.
Mark Wardell: "Hey! Leave my soon-to-be wife alone, Uncle!"
'I am so glad you came. But I have failed you. I tried. 
Margaret: "You tried to fail me? Hmph!" *flounces away*
I could not find the box of jewels.'
'It doesn't matter now. The chest has been found so don't worry about it anymore.'
With a sigh of relief the man closed his eyes and
Narrator: "... died."
fell into a restful sleep." (page 162)
Narrator: "Whatever."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"'I'm almost afraid to see Mrs. Brownell alone,' Margaret admitted. 'She has a violent temper.'
'Perhaps I could come here with you,' Nancy suggested. Then as a second thought occurred to her she added, 'Oh, I forgot about the tournament tomorrow.'
Nancy: "Sorry, toots, looks like you're on your own."
Mr. Drew smiled at his daughter. 'I believe I can arrange matters for you so your match can be played in the afternoon. The tournament chairman is very reasonable.'" (page 163)
Carson: "Especially after a little bit of, ahem, persuading..."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"'The ball Jimmy Harlow autographed for me! Thanks a lot!' Nancy cried in delight. 'Where was it?'
'Not far from the haunted bridge. It was hidden under some dry leaves. Why don't you finish the tournament with the autographed ball? It may bring you luck.'
Nancy crossed her fingers and smiled. 'I'd like to use it.'" (page 170)
Nancy: "And lose it again, and blame it on you..."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"'Your score was sixty-nine,' George added proudly. 'It sets a new record for women at the Deer Mountain course. and you were the youngest one in the tournament, too!'" (page 172)
George: "You were also the only person playing one-handed! And everyone else but you cheated like crazy! And they had, like, aliens helping them or something, but you still won!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"'What became of the stolen articles?'
'I pawned them and gave part of the money to the gang.'
'Do you still have the tickets?' Margaret Judson asked eagerly.
'Yes, I kept them because the jewels were worth far more than I received from the pawnbroker.'" (page 177)
Mrs. Brownell: "Imagine, the nerve of being cheated when trying to sell my stolen goods! What is the world coming to these days?"
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April 2012

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