[identity profile] banerry.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] whatnancysaid
This is officially the most boring Nancy Drew book ever.

"To each question Nancy would reply with a smile, 'We caught a thief!'
The reactions were varied. Most of the women said, 'Weren't you terrified?'
Nancy: "Not me, but why do you think Ned's pants are wet?"
The men would become angry and wish they had had a chance to overpower the burglar.
it's Gender Stereotypes Day here in Waterford!
There were so many people in the shop that Ned was forced to act as salesman.
I'm sure Mr. Basswood will be real pleased about that.
He told Nancy he was enjoying himself immensely.
Nancy: "This isn't turning you on or anything, is it?"
Ned: "... No, of course not!"
Nancy: "Oh ew, it totally is, isn't it! You disgust me."
Shortly before closing time, a man who had purchased a rather large painting handed Nancy a hundred-dollar bill. Mr. Basswood had left a small amount of change in a drawer in the rear room.
And now, the moment of truth: will Nancy be able to count out the change all by herself?
In order to save time going back and forth, Ned had been putting cash in one of his own pockets." (page 151)
Ned: "Let's see, right pocket is the store's money, left pocket is my allowance from Mommy. Or maybe it was the other way around. Oh, no..."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"'Basswood has skipped out!' [Nancy] said to herself
Nancy: "The nerve of that man- too pansy to just ask for a divorce!"
and hurried to find Ned. She whispered her suspicions to him, then said, 'Here's a hundred-dollar bill. The painting is seventy-five dollars.'
Nancy: *sob* "It's just too complicated for me, Ned! I never understood all that subtraction stuff in school."
Ned pulled a wad of bills from his pocket and counted out twenty-five dollars in change to the customer, then said he would wrap the painting." (page 152)
Nancy: "Chivalrous and a mathematical genius! I guess there is a reason I keep him around."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"'We'd better not leave this money here,' said Ned. 'And I don't want to be responsible for it.'" (page 152-153)
Ned: "Except for the money I'm keeping in my pocket, that is."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"'Hello,' [Mr. Ayer] said. 'I have a message for you from George and it sounds important.' His eyes twinkled.
'Don't keep me in suspense,' Nancy said, smiling.
'The message was "We trailed Basswood to the Maple Motel in Pittville."'" (page 153-154)
Mr. Ayer: "... I really DON'T want to know, do i?"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"'Hello,' said a pleasant feminine voice. 'This is Mrs. King.
Mrs. King: "I'm afraid the doctor isn't home right now."
You are Miss Nancy Drew?'" (page 157)
... What happened to Carrie Fisher Debbie Lynbrook?!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Ned asked [Mrs. King] if Mr. Mott had brought credentials.
'Oh, yes,' the woman replied. 'He seemed very refined and showed me pictures of his shop in New York.'" (Page 161)
Note to Mrs. King: pretty pictures and a three-piece suit do not credentials make.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"[Sylvester Holden] was astounded to learn what Nancy had found out and said he would be glad to come to Mrs. King's the day after tomorrow.
'Wonderful,' said Nancy. 'And please see if you can figure out why the statue used to whisper and doesn't anymore.'" (page 162)
Maybe the people who originally heard it started taking their meds?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"When the couple reached the restaurant, they found Bess, George, and Dick still there. The trio reported that Basswood and De Keer were still in the motel.
Nancy: "Still? What is this, their honeymoon?"
'We can't stay here all night,' Bess spoke up. 'What are we going to do about having the men watched?'" (page 163)
Nancy: "Well, you're going to stay here all night."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"In the morning the private detective called Nancy. He said that neither Basswood nor his companion had left the motel." (page 164)
Private Detective: "They must really be going at it."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Before Nancy could answer, a customer knocked on the front door.
Bess begged her not to open the door, but Nancy said, 'I may as well wait on the person.'" (page 165)
Nancy: "After all, the fact that the owner is on the lam doesn't mean we shouldn't keep his business of selling forged artwork up and running!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"The next moment Nancy was pushed into one half of the statue and the other half was fastened into place on top of her." (page 167)
Like K'NEX.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'Look!' Bess exclaimed. 'The two halves of that life-size statue are gone.' She grabbed her cousin's arm. 'Do you suppose Nancy could have been put in it and carried off in a car?'" (page 169)
Ooooh, looks like some of Nancy's special ability to see into the past has rubbed off on Bess.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Bess got into Dick's car and they followed Ned.
There was little conversation between Ned and George, but both were thinking, 'We must overtake that truck. I hope we'll be in time to save Nancy!'" (page 170)
Narrator: "Bess and Dick, on the other hand, discussed make-up tips and gossiped about celebrities."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Ned, Bess, and George by now had opened the rear doors of the truck and climbed inside. The statue lay on the floor. 
'Nancy! Nancy!' Ned cried as he tried to find a way to break the statue open. 
Bess was crying. George was biting her lips to keep tears back. Would they find their best friend still alive?" (page 171)
I'd like to point out that at this point they still have no real reason to think that Nancy is inside the statue.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Nancy was released. After several gulps of fresh air she was able to stand up herself. She looked bitterly at her kidnapper but was too weak to say anything. 
'I didn't mean any harm,' Michaels shouted." (page 171)
Michaels: "I keep forgetting that you young'uns need air!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"The trooper asked if either of the boys knew how to drive the truck.
Ned: "Are you kidding? I can barely drive my bike."
Dick said that he had sometimes used the one that belonged to the yacht club.
Dick: "And I only got caught once, too!"
'Then will you drive this truck to police headquarters? Ned, you join him in the cab.'
Trooper: "You can act as copilot."
As he spoke, the trooper took handcuffs from his pocket and fastened Michaels' hands together behind his back. The motorcycle was lifted into the truck and the trooper and his prisoner climbed in. Nancy drove Ned's car and George took the wheel of Dick's." (page 172)
Narrator: "Everybody forgot about Bess, and she was never seen nor heard from again."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'What about Basswood and De Keer?' Ned asked Nancy.
She offered to telephone the motel and see if the suspects were still there. Nancy learned that they were in their room." (page 172-173)
Oh, for goodness' sakes, have they no shame? At least marry the man, Basswood!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"[Carson] said that Basswood, under the alias of Thomas Mott, had a sizable bant account in New York City. Certain deposits were payments received from the sale of the stolen whispering statue and from Mrs. Merriam's books. The woman had been paid only a small percentage of the money Basswood had received.
Bess was furious to hear this." (page 174)
BESS. You do realize that this has all been common knowledge pretty much since day one, don't you?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"[Basswood's] confession was mostly a reiteration of what Nancy and her friends and Mr. Drew had found out, but he did promise to return every penny of the money he had acquired dishonestly." (page 177)
Basswood: "Which means... wow, pretty much everything, really."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Basswood went on, 'De Keer made several stupid mistakes. He should never have made that threatening phone call to your home, Mr. Drew.
Basswood: "That was tasteless, and I apologize."
And he shouldn't have sent Rasson and his buddy to your house. Those two things put you on our trail right away. Another thing. He shouldn't have gone to the yacht club at night to punch holes in his reproduction after your daughter stopped my other men from taking it.'
De Keer shot back, 'Basswood, you messed matters up yourself by having that blank telegram delivered and having the masked man to to sink the sailboat Nancy and her friend George were in! But the worst thing you did was to hire her as a salesclerk! Nancy Drew right under your nose!'
Oh, boys, can't we just agree that you both suck and try to get on with our lives?
The police officers said it was time for them to take their prisoners away.
Officers: "This little teatime has been fun, though. Let's do it next time we have some people to arrest."
The confessions had been recorded on tape." (page 178)
Narrator: As had the wanking.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"As the young detective stood there, she wondered what challenge lay ahead. Where would it lead her? This question was answered very soon. At that moment events were taking place that would involve her in the amazing mystery of The Haunted Bridge." (page 178)
Narrator: "Why, the planets are aligning as we speak!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 
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