[identity profile] banerry.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] whatnancysaid

Nancy, Bess, and George find an extremely depressing hundred-year-old guy (really!) to stalk, and go treasure-hunting for. But then Bess and George get all caught up in a family feud, and start doing things like brushing Nancy off (*gasp!*) and disobeying her orders (*horror!*). Carson Drew also is under the impression that being someone's attorney gives him the right to completely take over the lives of everyone his client lives with. I love how screwy the law is in these books. 

"'Oh, Nancy, this is like a hurricane! We'll be blown off the road!' cried Bess Marvin." (page 1)
Carolyn Keene's Publisher: "Hmmm... I'm sorry, but these past few books just haven't been doing it for me. I mean, they always start with Nancy staring off into space, or stupid Bess/George banter, or Nancy doing her civic duty by taking mailmen home instead of letting them finish their routes... can't you make the beginning just a little bit more interesting?" 
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Bess, [George's] cousin, shuddered. 'No mystery is worth our taking this chance.'
Nancy: "AHEM. What did you just say?"
Bess: "Uh, I mean, wow! I'm so glad Nancy was nice enough to take us along on another of her wild goose chases! I love risking life and limb for a few cheap thrills! ... Is that better?" 
The three friends were headed for a secluded inn called The Sign of the Twisted Candles. The Marvin family and the Faynes were related to a very old man who lived there.
Narrator: "Bess was his illegitimate great-granddaughter."
Rumors had recently come from neighbors of theirs who had overheard a conversation at the inn that he was virtually a prisoner in the tower of the old-fashioned mansion.
Narrator: "In fact, the only way to see him was to stand under his window and have him lower his long, golden hair down for you to climb. Room service was a bitch for him."
Bess and George had never been there and had asked attractive, titian-haired Nancy to drive out to investigate the rumors." (page 1-2)
Bess: "The car just won't run for us plain folks anymore! We need your beauty to get there!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"As Nancy jammed on her brakes, the tree fell with a thundering crash across the road. 
The three girls sat stunned, but finally Bess said, 'Now we'll just have to turn around and go home.'
Bess: "Yippee! I mean, awww..."
'Don't be silly,' said George." (page 2)
George: "This is an SUV! Just barrel on through, Nancy!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"The three girls found themselves in a long hall, lighted only by electric sconces on the walls. The candle bulbs in them were large and twisted." (page 4)
You don't think that's why they call it... nah, couldn't be. Never mind.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"The girl gave a faint scream and swayed. Nancy seized the tray [of food], thrust it into the hands of the amazed Bess,
Bess: "Food! Oh, thank God- I haven't eaten in over three hours!"
then put an arm about the girl's quivering form." (page 6)
Narrator: "Which, of course, only made her scream more."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"When [the girl] remained silent, Nancy said, 'I'm Nancy Drew. These are my friends Bess Marvin and George Fayne.' On purpose she slurred the last names so the girl could not repeat them.'" (page 7)
The hell? Then why just not say them at all?
The Girl: "My, what interesting surnames. Are you by any chance Scandinavian?"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Mr. Jemitt thinks it is too expensive a trayful,' Carol ['the girl'] said. 'You see, Mr. Sidney [tower guy] lets my foster parents, Frank and Emma Jemitt, use this property in exchange for taking care of him.
Carol: "They show their love by treating him like a zoo animal."
I don't know why I'm telling you girls all this." (page 8)
Carol: "Perhaps it has something to do with that hypnosist's watch you're holding, Nancy."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'Good evenng,' [Nancy] said. 'I have brought your dinner.'" (page 10)
'Evenng'? Do you think that's a typo, or has Nancy started speaking in tongues?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Nancy looked at Asa Sidney with deep perplexity, wondering who Jenny was. 
'I think you're mistaken,' she said, smiling.
Nancy: "And stoned."
'I'm Nancy Drew, and this is the first time I've ever been here... Oh, how very odd!'
She set the tray down on a bench 
Asa Sidney: "Excuse me, but I thought that was for *me*."
and gazed at a portrait over the fireplace. It was a fine oil painting of a titian-haired young woman who resembled Nancy. She realized that in the flickering candlelight she must look very much like the person in the portrait.
Nancy: *sigh* "I love being hot."
'I- I must have been dreaming,' Asa Sidney murmured, dropping his arms and shaking his head. 'Well, well,' he continued, 'that's all we old folks have left. If it were not for our dreams, we should be poor indeed." (page 11)
Asa Sidney: "Life begins at sixty- pah!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"... 'You were a very lovely vision as you entered the room. While drowsing, I seemed to see my dear wife step down from the painting up there. If I can't tell a very pretty and very much alive young woman from an old piece of canvas an paint, then I shall have to visit and oculist.'
Nancy chuckled. 
Nancy: "Are you coming on to me?"
'May I congratulate you on your hundredth birthday?' she said." (page 12)
Asa Sidney: "That depends on *how* you plan on congratulating me."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"'I've read interviews in the newspapers. The reporters always ask the centenarians how they managed to live so long. One old codger will say he got to be a hundred because he never ate meat, and another will say he attributes his old age to the fact that he never ate anything but meat!'
Asa Sidney: "One will say it's because he never had any rough sex, another will say-" 
Nancy: "Okay, okay, I get the picture."
Asa Sidney: "So, you wanna know my secret?"
Nancy: "Um, no."
Asa Sidney gave a mirthless laugh. 'The only reason I have lived to be a hundred is because I have not died!'
Nancy shuddered a little. Plainly Mr. Sidney was far from happy." (page 12-13)
Plainly Mr. Sidney was off his freakin' rocker. 
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"[Nancy] said abruptly, 'I'd like to celebrate your birthday. Two darling friends of mine are downstairs.'
Asa Sidney: "Just where exactly are you going with this?"
Mr. Sidney looked startled. 'What did you say your name is?'
'Nancy Drew.
Did she slur her last name this time, like she did with Carol?
My father is Carson Drew, the attorney.'" (page 13)
Asa Sidney: "Never heard of him."
Nancy: *faints*
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'There you are at last!' Bess cried. 'I've almost died sitting here being polite, while all the time this was teasing me.'
'This' proved to be a plateful of golden cinnamon toast from which Bess lifted the cover. 
'Wait a minute!' Nancy cried. 
'Wait a minute? Oh, Nancy!' Bess protested. 
Bess: "Three hours, Nancy! Three stinking hours!"
In a whisper the young detective told of her visit to the tower.
Nancy: "He kept flirting with me! It was soooo gross!"
Her freinds' eyes opened wide in surprise at what she had learned. 
'We're going to have dinner up there,' Nancy announced." (page 14)
George: "Do we have a choice?"
Nancy: "Um, no."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'Carol,' said Nancy, 'all of us are going to have a birthday dinner with Mr. Sidney. He invited us.'
Nancy: "Well, we invited ourselves."
... 
Aloud [Nancy] said, 'Please tell Mr. Jemitt to come here.'
Nancy: "I can't be bothered to do it myself, and you're the maid, so..."
Jemitt was a tall, rather heavy-set man, slightly bald." (page 15)
Carol: "Sir, this is Nancy Shlew. Her friends, Bess Varmvin and George Flane, are here, too."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"As she climbed to the tower, Nancy was thoughtful. Carol was evidently browbeaten and unhappy. Was this part of the mystery at the old inn? Yet there seemed to be a bond between the thin, timid girl and Asa Sidney- a bond which the Jemitts did not approve." (page 16)
Well, if she's only sixteen, the law won't think much of it, either. 
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Bess and George gazed at the twisted candles that gleamed everywhere." (page 16-17)
You know, I'm starting to think that that's why they- no, no, forget I said anything.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"On the opposite wall were framed patent grants for things [Asa Sidney] had invented." (page 17)
If a Clue in the Diary-esque plotline works itself into this, I'm going to scream.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Nancy introduced her friends merely as Bess and George, and was glad when Mr. Sidney did not ask for their last names.
But she, however, is allowed to flaut her own last name and her famous father at will?
The cousins were silent, obviously awed by the strange surroundings and the remarkable spectacle the old man made as he moved about the room." (page 17) 
Nancy should take them down to the River Heights Nursing Home. They'd be enthralled for hours.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'I invented a candle that was pierced lengthwise by four holes, down which the melted tallow ran, instead of spilling over the candlestick. In this way it was saved, to be burned when the candle grew shorter. My employer made a good profit on that. I recieved nothing.'" (page 20)
Nancy: "Well, why didn't you set his house on fire, then?"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'Eventually I invented the twisted candle which brought me fame and fortune.'" (page 21)
General Public: "It's a regular candle... only the wax is twisted! It's BRILLIANT!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"By the time they reached the first floor, Jemitt was coming back inside.
'What happened?' Nancy asked. 
'Search me,' he replied." (page 23)
Nancy: "Well, if you insist..."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'There'll be a hot scene in the tower room tonight or I'm not Jacob Sidney!'" (page 26)
... Wow. I hope they don't describe that scene in the book- centenarian sex just does not get me going.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'Hello, Nancy! How's the junior partner of Drew and Drew, Incorporated?' The tall, handsome lawyer laughed." (page 29)
Nancy: "A lot more accomplished and useful than the senior partner, it seems."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'This isn't serious trouble, but it may mean a heartache for you, Nancy. I'm afraid Bess's and George's parents didn't intend that you find out about the family skeleton.'" (page 30)
Nancy: "What, you mean the one under George's bed? Silly, I discovered that ages ago!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'Once,' said Mrs. Gruen, 'there was some sort of reconciliation between a Boonton and a Sidney, and a marriage, I believe. But the feelings of both families were so bitter that they disowned the couple. I don't know what happened to them.'
Hannah: "Probably went to Vegas or something."
At that moment the telephone rang. Nancy leaped to her feet, hoping the call would be from Ned Nickerson, her favorite date." (page 31)
Come on Nancy, 'fess up- your only date. Ever. 
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Nancy was in a quandary. She knew her father would never touch the woman. If Mrs. Jemitt was to be forcibly removed from the stairway, she would have to do it!" (page 33)
Narrator: "And she would have to do it in a way that wouldn't betray the fact that she was secretly enjoying it."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"With the speed of a panther Nancy grabbed Mrs. Jemitt's arms and swung her around out of the way." (page 34)
Nancy: "HI-KEEBA!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Nancy was puzzled. If Jemitt was stealing the chest, why bury it?
Because he never fulfilled his childhood dream of becoming a pirate?
Why not take it away and sell the contents?
Nancy: "I mean, that's what I'd do!"
Jemitt dropped the box into the hole and dragged some logs over it from a nearby woodpile. Then he carefully scooped up all the earth dug from the hole, put it into his basket, and scattered it in the woods." (page 36)
I don't suppose it would do any good to point out that his hole's going to be awfully conspicuous, with only a few logs covering the box and all.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"[Carol] sighed. 'I love old Mr. Sidney. He's so friendless and pathetic.'" (page 38)
Oh, nice, Carol.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'[Asa Sidney] said to me, 'Carol, will you call Mr. Drew? I want to make a new will.'
Asa Sidney: "And he's the only lawyer in the whole wide world!"
He asked me to make the appointment secretly. I am- Oh, Nancy, I can't tell you.'
'Never mind, then. You must do as you are requested,' Nancy said." (page 39)
Nancy: "Besides, I'll just find out from my gossipy father, anyway."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'Go on with your story, Carol.' 
'Father Jemitt was very angry at having been discovered. When he came downstairs he ordered me to bed.'" (page 39)
Carol: "He said if I didn't go, he'd send the entire congregation after me!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Choking with rage, Mrs. Jemitt lashed out at Nancy, striking her on the arm with the brush. She raised her hand again to repeat the blow, but Nancy deftly caught the woman's wrist and wrenched the hairbrush from her.
...
'Who do you think you are?' sneered Mrs. Jemitt, but she made no attempt to take the brush, perhaps fearing that Nancy might use it!'" (page 41)
Narrator: "Mrs. Jemitt had caught lice from sharing a hairbrush in elementary school, and she wasn't about to make the same mistake again."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'My name is Nancy Drew. Carson Drew is my father.
Nancy: "We own your soul."
Perhaps you've heard of him?'
Mrs. Jemitt: "... No."
'Carson Drew- the lawyer?' Mrs. Jemitt's arrogance suddenly vanished.
Mrs. Jemitt: "Oh my God, the River Heights lawyer with the psychotic daughter... it's all starting to make sense now!"
'His name is in the paper all the time- and I've seen yours there, too.
Mrs. Jemitt: "You broke the state record for DUIs the last three years in a row!"
I didn't know who you were.
Mrs. Jemitt: "And I didn't know about your personality disorder, either!"
I'm sorry I hit you.
Mrs. Jemitt: "Please don't kill me!"
You won't tell your father, will you?' she begged. 'I'll do anything to make amends.'
'I'll make a bargain with you,' Nancy said. 'I won't tell my father if you'll promise not to harm Carol.'
'I promise.'" (pages 41-42)
Mrs. Jemitt: "Sucker."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Then, in a low voice, Nancy asked, 'What is really troubling you?'
Carol: "Well, right now, you."
Carol began to speak, then closed her mouth. Nancy knew she would have to do some prodding.'
Nancy: "Now where did I put that tongue depressor...?"
'Are you suspicious, Carol, that the Jemitts are not completely honest?'
Carol gave a start. 'Nancy, how did you guess?'" (page 42)
Nancy: "Well for one thing, they're hairbrush-wielding psychos. In my world, that pretty much guarantees  that they're running some sort of criminal ring on the side."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'Oh, Nancy, I wish I were as smart as you. Everything seems so clear to you. To me it's all a muddle.'
'Nonsense,' Nancy replied. 
Nancy: "I never have any idea what I'm doing!"
'Just tell me whatever comes into your mind.'
Nancy: "Hey, it worked for Freud!"
'All right. But it's difficult.
Carol: "Not much goes on in there, y'know."
Maybe I'd better talk to myself first.'" (page 43)
Nancy: "Hmph. I'd rather we talk about me."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'My father is Carson Drew.'
Frank Jemitt's face turned a shade paler, and he swallowed heavily.'" (page 45)
Okay, now this is just getting annoying.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"[Mrs. Jemitt wheeled about, darted through the kitchen, and vanished into the garden. Nancy was at her heels, but Mr. Drew called her back." (page 47)
Carson: "Nancy, we have to go. You can finish your game of tag later."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Out of sight of the Jemitts, [Nancy] ran to the barn. It took only a moment to roll away the logs in the improvised woodpile and uncover what Jemitt had buried underneath." (page 48)
See what I mean? That's just poor planning, right there."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Mr. Hill leaned back in the seat without speaking, although his eyes traveled nervously from time to time to the speedometer.
'Look out!' he suddenly exclaimed." (page 52)
Mr. Hill: "You just broke 100 miles an hour!"
Nancy: "Um, duh- you think that was an accident?"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"A few minutes later [Nancy] turned into the driveway of The Sign of the Twisted Candles and swung to a stop at the porch steps.
'I'm not being kidnapped, am I?' Mr. Hill joked as he got out.
Nancy: "No, silly! I only kidnap poor, defenseless farmgirls!"
'What is this place, and where is Mr. Drew?'" (page 53)
Mr. Hill: "And what's with that blunt object you're trying to hide behind your back?"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"[Nancy] speculated on what Jemitt would say to her when he arrived, and wished she knew what had made her father so concerned about Asa Sidney's affairs." (page 53)
Nancy, Nancy, Nancy. He's a Drew. Does anyone in your family ever need an excuse to butt into random people's lives?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Jacob Sidney jumped out and sprinted for the porch. Peter Boonton stepped down hurriedly and dashed after him." (page 54)
Nancy: "Oh, great! You guys have come to join our game! I'll go get Mrs. Jemitt."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"With a strangled cry Boonton caught his rival by the coat and the two men leaped into the hallway together, Nancy at their heels.
Okay, now the game's just getting dirty.
A new obstacle confronted them, however, and Nancy felt like giving Carol Wipple three cheers. Across the bottom step of the stairs she had stretched a broom and a mop." (page 55)
Boonton: "So what? We'll just jump over 'em. See?"
Sidney: "Are you insane? I'm not jumping the broom with you!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"[Carol] picked up the broom and mop,
Carol: "You may pass."
then the two men made a rush for the stairs. 
They jammed together, clawing at each other for a moment.
Um, okay.
At last Boonton gained the advantage and darted upward, Sidney only a step behind." (page 56)
Nancy: "Honestly, I just don't understand what all the excitement's about. The old guy isn't even that interesting!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"The young detective raced up the steps after the two men. She reached them just as they burst into the tower room." (page 56)
Sidney, Boonton, and Nancy: "BASE!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'In the name of the law I demand that you stop!' Peter Boonton shouted as he entered the tower room.
'Don't pay any attention to him!' Jacob Sidney answered coolly." (page 57)
Jacob Sidney: "Just go on ignoring the law, the way you usually do."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Raymond Hill was seated at the table, a pen in his hand. Apparently he had just finished using it because he capped the pen and returned it to his pocket." (page 57)
This girl is a sleuthing GENIUS!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Boonton stood stock-still, his mouth opening and closing." (page 57)
Narrator: "His fish impressions were always a big hit at parties."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'I just want to warn you against putting too much confidence in strangers.'
Jacob Sidney: "Especially the ones that advertise on TV."
'And not only strangers, but scheming relatives,' Peter Boonton interjected...
Peter Boonton: "Like me."
'Just the same,' said the old man, 'a stranger may prove to be a great friend.'
Asa Sidney: "At least, that's what I tell the kiddies."
He clapped Nancy on the shoulder, finally letting his arm rest there affectionately." (page 59)
Asa Sidney: "That's right, I'm leaving the lot of you for the first underage, leggy skirt to come my way."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'Do you reall wish to be of service to me?' Asa asked, a twinkle in his eyes.
Oh, no. I smell more innuendo coming up.
'Yes, indeed,' Jacob replied, eager to ingratiate himself with the old man.
'Let me do it,' Peter offered, thrusting 
AHHH!
himself forward.
Peter Boonton: "It's  what they pay me for, after all!"
'Well, you may both do it,' Asa said, stroking
ARGH!
his long beard.
Asa Sidney: "You can take turns."
'What shall we do?' chorused the nephews." (page 59)
Asa Sidney: "Why, everything! Now get started."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'Would there be any special way to identify the hiding places of the articles?'
'Oh yes. By the design of a twisted candle. It is also on boxes and chests.'
'That will make it easy,' Nancy said." (page 67)
Um, no, it won't. Hasn't it been stressed many times that there are twisted candle designs all over the place because of this guy's fetish?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"[Mrs. Jemitt] brushed past Nancy, only to meet Mr. Drew. Attracted by the sharp voices, he had entered the room to investigate." (page 69)
Mr. Drew: "Pardon me for intruding, but I sensed that something that is none of my business is going on in here, and I though I'd come see what was up."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'That's what I wanted to talk to you about, Bess. Call George, will you? I have some exciting things to tell you, and we must go out (to the inn) tomorrow.'
Nancy: "Or else."
'Oh, I don't think I care to come,' Bess replied. 'And I'm sure George wouldn't be interested, either.'
Bess: "We're finally cutting loose, Nancy."
Nancy flushed with disappointment and embarrassment at Bess's cool retort." (page 71)
Nancy: "You mean you're *not* going to do whatever I tell you to anymore?"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'Nancy!' [Carol] cried. 'Oh, I'm so glad you came back. I have something marvelous to tell you...
'Mr. Sidney remembered a false drawer in the bottom of a bureau in the empty master bedroom and had me look there. What do you think I found?'
'Clothes?'" (page 72)
Carol: "Yeah, Nancy, because I'd really be getting this excited over a bunch of old dresses. You know me so well."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'A diamond bracelet!' Nancy gasped. 'What did you do with it, Carol?'" (page 73)
Carol: "Sold it on eBay."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Carol clapped a hand over her mouth. 'Oh my goodness! I was supposed to put a leg of lamb in the stove.'
'In the stove'? How exactly does that work?
Nancy chuckled. 'Then you'd better go do it quickly.
Nancy: "And don't expect me to help or anything."
If Mrs. Jemitt returns and find you haven't done it -'" (page 74)
Nancy: "... Then your ass will be in a sling! Tee hee!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"The two girls rushed down the stairs. Carol ran to the kitchen, while Nancy dashed out the front door. No one was in sight and she drove off quickly." (page 76)
Hey, now! I'd think using a car would kind of be considered cheating, and cheating would ruin the whole point of the game. Where are your tag-playing manners, Nancy?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Despite the exciting story she had to tell at dinner about her afternoon's search, the diamond bracelet, and the music box, the young sleuth became glum and did not eat much. 
'What's happened to your appetite?' Hannah Gruen asked her.
'Nothing.'" (page 76)
Oh, look! Our little Nancy's become a sulky, sullen teenager- and only about five years too late, too!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'Dad, for some reason connected with Asa Sidney's case, George and Bess are angry with me. George won't speak to me at all, and Bess snubbed me this afternoon.'
Carson Drew: "Hmmm. You don't think it has anything to do with they way you're always ordering them around, and demanding their presence while you play your detective games, do you?"
Nancy's lip quivered at the memory." (page 76-78)
Geez. She's never been rejected, like, at all, has she?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"There was a sharp click, then silence. Carol had hung up, leaving Nancy in a state of mingled surprise and alarm." (page 79-80)
Narrator: "And for some reason, slightly turned on."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"What could have happened? Nancy thought of a dozen answers... Perhaps Peter and Jacob had met again, and had joined in a pitched battle." (page 80)
*snigger* A deul to the finish, I suppose?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"An undertaker's long black car was just driving away. Someone was- dead!" (page 80)
Hmmm, do you think it was the young maid, the middle-aged innkeepers, or the hundred-year-old guy?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'I shall stay here as (Asa Sidney's) executer and take charge,' Mr. Drew replied simply.
'Who asked you to butt in?' Jemitt snapped, dropping his pretense of sorrow." (page 81)
Carson Drew: "Why, nobody. That's the kind of thing I do all by myself!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'I think,' said Mr. Drew, 'that you had better keep such thoughts to yourself until after Mr. Sidney's will is read. Until then, there is work for you to do. First of all, prepare a sign to put over the one at the entrance. Mark it 'Closed.' Then make a complete list of all the food on hand.'
Carson Drew: "The apocalypse is coming, and we need to stock up on provisions."
Jemitt answered defiantly, 'Why do you think you can give me orders?'
'Because as Mr. Sidney's attorney I am in charge here. I'll need a duplicate set of keys.'" (page 83)
Carson Drew: "That's right- because I'm his lawyer, I have the right to search all of your belongings and invade your privacy. Boy, I hope you know nothing about law."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"[Carson] nodded. 'I see more trouble ahead, but two things we must do: protect Carol and take care of this old mansion.
Carson Drew: "Oh yeah, and I guess take care of the old guy's will and all that other boring stuff we were actually hired for."
Nancy, do you think Hannah would be willing to come here and stay with you?'" (page 85)
Nancy: "But... why?"
Carson: "I don't know. Plot-furthering purposes?"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"The lawyer smiled. 'I think Carol needs you.'" (page 85)
Carson Drew: "In more ways than one, if you get what I mean."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Nancy was glad Bess and George were not among [the slew of relatives who came to call dibs on Sidney's 'fortune'], because she did not feel equal
Nancy, I never thought you were one to entertain such self-depricating thoughts!
to coping with that unhappy situation at this time." (page 85)
Narrator: "Maybe later, after she had a couple drinks in her."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Jacob Sidney was accompanied by a man he introduced as his legal advisor." (page 85)
Carson Drew: "Hmph. Yeah, right. You're still all under my control, understand?"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Interest centered upon Mr. Drew. He had taken his stand like a sentry at the door to the tower room and allowed no one to enter." (page 85)
Carson Drew: "See? Your lawyers are powerless against ME!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Mr. Drew's only response to all questions was, 'I must comply with the law and the ethics of my profession.'
Carson Drew: "Especially the laws and ethics that I just make up on the spot."
Nancy: "Hey Dad, is it okay if I go to Las Vegas to become a stripper?"
Carson Drew: "I must comply with the law and the ethics of my profession."
Nancy: "Um, is that a yes?"
Carson: "I must comply with the law and the ethics of my profession."
Nancy: "I'm just going to take that as a yes, okay?"
Carson: "I must comply with the law and the ethics of my profession."
He did, however, have a longer conversation with the Jemitts.
Narrator: "They just wouldn't take 'I must comply with the law and the ethics of my profession' for an answer."
'You are responsible for that room,' he told them. 'If the seal is broken you will be arrested.'
Carson: "Even if you had nothing to do with the break-in, you will still be held responsible."
The windows are also locked and sealed so there is an additional responsibility to see that no one climbs in through them.'
Why doesn't he just get one of his policeman cronies to play 24-hour guard?
Awestruck, the caretaker and his wife agreed to follow his orders." (page 86)
Carson: "Isn't it great that Nancy's been teaching me hypnotism?"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'I'd like to remain (at The Sign of the Twisted Candles)- where I can see you often, Nancy.'
'Don't worry, Carol. And for the next few days I'm going to stay with you all the time.'" (page 87)
Nancy: "You won't even have to go to the bathroom alone!"
Carol: "Um, Nancy, I meant that I want to see you often, not all the freakin' time."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"After expressing her sympathy to Carol, [Hannah Gruen] asked, 'What was being sent from this mansion in a truck?' (page 87)
Nancy: "Um... that was Asa Sidney's body."
Carol: (bursts into tears all over again)
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'Hannah, this is Mr. Jemitt,' Nancy introduced him.
Welcome to the Redundant Department of Redundancy."
'I'd like-'" (page 87)
Nancy: "- you to kill him and serve me his head on a silver platter."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"When Jemitt was told [who invited Hannah to the inn], he sneered, 'Well, don't expect my wife and me to wait on you.'" (page 88)
Nancy: "Silly! She's our maid; she'll be waiting on us!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Nancy nodded in agreement, then whispered, 'I wish I had my car here. I'd follow that truck.'
'You can do it, anyway,' Hannah Gruen told her." (page 88)
Hannah: "You're faster than a speeding bullet, Nancy!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Pretending to give the cartons a casual glance, she looked for markings. One box lay on its side. Bold crayoned words read: 
FRANK JEMITT
VALUABLE
SPECIAL STORAGE" (page 89)
Bold Crayoned Words: "TOTALLY NOT SECRET STASH STOLEN FROM INN. OH, NO."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"As soon as Nancy returned to the Sidney mansion, she had lunch, then arranged with Mrs. Gruen and Carol to work subtly on one of two aspects of the case: they were to watch every movement of the Jemitts. 
Nancy: "And if they start talking restraining orders, you'll have to get a bit creative."
She herself would continue to look for hidden articles." (page 90)
Nancy: "They say there are only seven in the Constitution- HA! I'll show them all!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Hannah Gruen helped with the preparation of meals and tidied the house." (page 90)
Nancy: "See? I told you!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Nancy had found no more signs of a twisted candle, indicating hidden treasure. In her bedroom she made a discovery." (page 90)
... I"m leaving that one alone.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'We have met,' Mr. Drew began, 'to read the last will and testament of Mr. Asa Sidney.
Carson Drew: "Any resemblance the following scene may have to an Agatha Christy novel is entirely coincidental."
The document was written only a few days ago, in his own hand and in duplicate. The original is already filed in the courthouse. I hold the copy here. The two have been carefully compared and found to be exact duplicates.
Carson: "Well, that's what I've been instructed to tell you, anyway."
...
I may add that- although I am named sole executor of the estate- I had never met Mr. Sidney until I was summoned by him to help draw up this document.'" (page 91)
Carson: "What I'm saying is, I have no idea why he's apparently left everything he owned to my daughter and me."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"The banker, who had been seated unnoticed in one corner, arose, examined the papers, and nodded.
'That is my signature,' he said." (page 91)
The Banker: "Well, it's a good forgery, at any rate."

"'One each of the remaining sub-shares, namely one sixty-third of the entire estate, shall be given to each of my relatives, namely Jacob Sidney, Peter Boonton, Anna Marvin, Bess Marvin, 
Not Bess Varmvin?
Louise Fayne, and George Fayne.'" (page 94)
So, is that George's real name, then? Because I'm fairly certain that you have to use full names on a legal document. *sigh* Her parents were so cruel.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"A concerted growl of disapproval arose from the disappointed heirs as Nancy cried out in alarm: 
'Carol has fainted!'" (page 94)
Nancy: "Time to break out the Blue Jade perfume!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Then [Nancy] massaged the back of [Carol's] neck and wrists.
Carol stirred and sat up.
Carol: "All right, who's fondling me?"
'I- I must have fainted,' she murmured.
Ya think?
'Oh, Nancy, there you are.
Carol: "I didn't know where you were for five whole seconds! Don't scare me like that!"
Please don't go away.'" (page 95)
Carol: "Have you noticed that I'm a bit obsessed with you?"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Mr. Drew made no reply to the threats.
Not even, "I must comply with the law and the ethics of my profession"?
Instead, he went on reading." (page 96)
Narrator: "... The Lord of the Rings. The whole will-reading thing had started to bore him a long time ago."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"After completing the reading of the will,
Wait, didn't he do that already?
[Carson Drew] said, 'Mr. Asa Sidney told me that he had a special reason for remembering Carol in his will. At the time he was too tired to tell me about it but promised to give me the whole story later. Unfortunately he never had a chance.'" (page 96)
Oh, ten bucks says she was related to him in some way. 
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'All right,' Carol agreed. 'And I'll tell you about the will, Mrs. Gruen. Oh, I suppose I'll be rich but it scares me.'" (page 97)
Carol: "I mean, not all of us are used to being completely loaded like Nancy is."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Nancy's response was to twist her fingers deeper into [Jemitt's] collar and tug harder.
Nancy: 'Bad dog! BAD DOG! We're... going... home."
Jemitt: "Okay, okay- but can you take off the S&M collar now, please?"
Realizing that he had an unexpected ally,
Oh, I don't think Nancy insinuating herself into the situation is at all unexpected, do you?
Mr. Hill squirmed free of Jemitt's grasp and drove his fist deep into the inkeeper's stomach." (page 104)
Okay you guys, I think you can stop now. He's dead.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'I'll drive you to town and ask for a detective to guard you.
Oh God, not another one!
And we'll hunt up a lawyer without a smarty daughter.'" (page 106)
D'you think they really exist?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Jemitt gave a forced laugh. 'When these new friends of yours have stripped you
WHOA!
of everything you own, you'll come around begging Frank
Oh, push the button, Frank!
 and Emma to be good to you again.'
Is there any particular reason he's referring to himself in the third person?
Nancy looked sternly at Jemitt." (page 106)
Jemitt: "Cut that out, young lady. I'm old enough to be your grandfather!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'Mr. Drew went out of town in connection with the Sidney case, and won't be back until tomorrow afternoon,' [Carson Drew's secretary] said. 'That's why he sent Mr. Hill our to see if you were all right.'
'Thank you,' said Nancy. 'We're having an exciting time but we're all okay.'" (page 107)
Secretary: "Oh, I don't relly give a crap, myself- I'm just passing along the message."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Carol, is there a big flashlight around?' Nancy asked." (page 109)
Oh, I really hope that's not a euphamism for anything... especially considering that with Mr. Jemitt gone, they're all women over there.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'And I only have one spare tire,' Nancy said, vexed with herself because the Jemitts had outwitted her.
Nancy: "They slashed my tires- ingenious! I'll bet no villain in the history of forever has ever thought of that before!"
An idea came to her. 'The tire-cutting was probably done to prevent pursuit,' she said." (page 110)
No, really, Nancy? I can totally see why you're River Heights' number-one detective. *snerk*
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"The three strode off through the meadows to the old cottage. Nancy was somewhat disappointed to find it in darkness.
'They got here ahead of us,' Mr. Hill commented. 'That is, if they came here at all.'
'Let's wait a few minutes,' Nancy said, putting out the light.
... Wait a second. You just specified that the light was already off. Carolyn Keene, admit it- you're high, aren't you?
They stood in silence close to a towering sycamore tree, their forms blending with the light, mottled background of the trunk." (page 110-111)
Narrator: "Nancy and her friends always wore light, mottled clothing wherever they went."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"After finishing the delicious dinner Hannah had prepared, Mr. Hill left." (page 112)
Why in the world were the Jemitts worried that they would have to wait on Hannah?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Nancy returned to the floor jsut in time to answer the telephone.
Oh, how convenient.
A male voice asked, 'Is Miss Nancy Drew there?'
The young detective's face broke into a wide smile. 'Hi, Ned!' she exclaimed.
Nancy: "Do I want to know how you tracked me down all the way out here?"
Ned: "That depends. Are you creeped out easily?"
'For Pete's sake, Nancy, I've been trying for days to get you.
Nancy: "Oh Ned, you've been trying a lot longer than that!"
What's the idea of hiding?'
Ned: "You know any attempt to avoid me will ultimately be futile!"
Nancy: "Well Ned, I think it's time we discuss the terms of a little something called a 'restraining order'..."
'Oh, Ned, I have so much to tell you. When can you leave your job and come down so I can talk to you?'" (page 114)
She wants him to quit just so he can devote all his time to being her errand boy? Man, that's harsh.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'By the way, what's up between you and Bess? When I couldn't get your house I called her to find out where you were. Boy, she was about as friendly as an ice cube!'
Ned: "And I should know- I talk to them a lot."
'I'll tell you when I see you,' Nancy answered." (page 114)
What, no tears or lip-quivering this time?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Mrs. Gruen, who had flipped the back of her skirt over her head,
Nancy: "ARGH! Hannah, I really do wish you would wear underwear!"
was rushing to the front door, which she flung open." (page 116)
I suppose it's a good thing that they don't have any neighbors, then, if Hannah's going to run around flashing people.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Carol was both alarmed and amused by Nancy's story of the bats the next morning, and for the first time in days a smile came over her pale face.
Carol: "You could have gotten rabies! How cool!"
'I can just see you standing there, black from head to foot.'" (page 117)
Are you insinuating something, Carol?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"At one o'clock an automobile drove up. In it with Mr. Drew were two muscular men.
'Private detectives,' the lawyer said briefly to Nancy." (page 118)
Nancy: "But... what... are you replacing me, Dad?"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'That's a contest where I can't help you, can I?' Nancy asked. 'I wish I were old enough to be a lawyer!'" (page 118-119)
Oh, God help us when that happens. Speaking of which, I don't think there's an age limit or anything... I mean, she's supposed to be eighteen, right? If she wants to be a lawyer, why the hell isn't she in law school?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"[Nancy and Carson Drew] stopped speaking as Carol came down the stairway wearing a shabby coat and carrying an old-fashioned suitcase. She apologized for both." (page 119)
Carol: "I'm sorry I'm not as rich as you guys."
Nancy: "Hmph- you should be sorry!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"What are you girls shopping for?' George asked. 'We always have so much fun buying things with Nancy.'" (page 121)
George: "Mostly because she pays for everything."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"When the store closed that evening, the four girls left it chatting merrily and laden with bundles.
Narrator: "And even more stuff shoved into their purses and pockets."
Carol had been outfitted from head to toe in attractive clothes. 
Narrator: "Now, Nancy wasn't embarrassed to be seen with her anymore."
Her hair had been trimmed and modishly combed at the beauty salon. She looked very lovely and seemed to have gained self-confidence." (page 121-122)
Remember, kids- you can only be truly happy with yourself when you're dressed in pretty, expensive clothes that your stalking detective friend bought for you.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'By the way, Carol, you want to go back to school, don't you?'
Carol: "Oh, hell no. Do you even remember what high school was like?"
'Oh yes.'
'I think,' the lawyer went on, 'that we should look for a good boarding school for you.'" (page 126)
Carson Drew: "That way we can save you, but we won't have you peskily hanging around in all the other books. It's perfect!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Nancy explained to Carol that Ned was a student at Emerson College and they had been dating for some time.
Nancy: "For two whole books!"
Carol: "So, is it serious?" 
Nancy: "Oh, no- he just thinks it is."

'Maybe I'll ask Bess and George to come over and keep you company.'" (page 127)
Is Carol so pathetically needy that she can't be on her own for more than two seconds?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"As Ned leaned over and untied the man's bonds, Nancy said, 'This is Mr. Jacob Sidney.'" (page 130)
Nancy: "And this is not what it looks like."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"The couple became separated and there was not a sound for nearly half an hour." (page 131)
Okay, I have a theory- the Carolyn Keene Ghostwriting Brigade wrote in all these double entendres to keep themselves from getting bored while they wrote out these laughable and predictable plot lines. I know I'd certainly do it.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"For a moment Nancy wondered if they should tear off the wall covering.
Nancy: "To destroy private property or not to destroy private property: that is the question."
'It's old and faded, anyway.' she told Ned." (page 131)
Ned: "Meaning it's antique, and therefore more likely to be valuable?"
Nancy: "Uh... SHUT IT! Just accept my genius and don't bring logic into the equation, m'kay?"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"As [Nancy] struggled to get away, the man pulled a small bottle from his pocket and waved it under her nose." (page 135)
Man: "Hehehe... This Blue Jade perfume should do the trick!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"At once Ned called police headquarters to brief the captain on the situation. He said efforts would be doubled to find the stranger." (page 138)
Ned: "I'm sending all my men out into the field- this one won't escape on my watch!"
Captain: "Excuse me, but it's my force-"
Ned: "No back-talk! I'll see you in an hour, soldier!" (click)
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'Promise me,' [Ned] said, cupping Nancy's chin in his hand, 'that you won't disappear again.'" (page 140)
Wow, he actually touched her! I always thought actual physical contact was too advanced for these two.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"It was late by the time the couple reached Nancy's house. Mr. Drew was already there and declared he was 'hungry as a bear', but wanted full details on his daughter's afternoon activities." (page 143)
I think Carson's been watching a bit too much 7th Heaven.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Beneath [a brick] lay a tightly rolled brown suede bag bound with a leather thong.
'Girls, look!' [Nancy] exclaimed." (page 148)
Nancy: "Do you think this is my size?"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'Hannah, why are you so sure Carol was kidnapped?'
'Because the laundryman came here right after I got home.'" (page 153)
Hannah: "And he's psychic!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Hannah had been standing close enough to hear the message. She turned to Mr. Drew. 'Please don't let Nancy out of your sight. Someone has just threatened her!'
'I shan't,' he said." (page 155)
"I shan't"? The hell? Are they in Middle England all of a sudden?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'I may as well tell you. The Jemitts own a little cottage along a branch of the Muskoka River.'" (page 156)
Well, that should be difficult for the Drews to search, considering the Muskoka River is in Ontario.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'You're probably right,' the lawyer agreed. 'We have no right to break in, of course. I guess we'd better-'" (page 158)
Carson Drew: "- do it anyway. The law's never stopped us before!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"The driver was a state trooper, who sasid he was on a routine checkup of all the roads in the vicinity." (page 158)
*snigger* Riiight. I'm guessing he's a new rookie that they just didn't know what to do with.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"... [Nancy] saw a large quantity of flat silverware on which the initial S was engraved. 
'Asa Sidney's silver!' Nancy exclaimed, and told the trooper about the thefts and her father's responsibility for the silver as executor of the estate." (page 160)
Nancy: "... And my father is in charge of everything the old guy every owned,, and he gets to boss everyone around 'cause he's a hotshot lawyer, and if any of these lowlifes ever cross him they'd better watch out-"
Trooper: "- Uh-huh. So what you're saying is that it's your father's fault that the silver was stolen?"
Nancy: "Yes! I mean, no! I mean... STOP THAT!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"After she hung up the phone, Nancy asked her father for his report from the two guards." (page 162)
Carson Drew: "I suppose telling you that it's none of your business won't do a bit of good, will it?"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"An amazing and uncanny scene met [Mr. Drew and Mr. Hill's] gaze. Nancy Drew's head
Narrator: "... Was mounted on a plaque over the fireplace."
and shoulders were framed in the window as if she were standing on air." (page 168)
Carson Drew: "Nancy, you are the Christ Child! I always suspected it."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"The guard, shamefaced at having been trapped at second time,
Guard: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice... you can't fool me again!"
eagerly took charge of the two prisoners." (page 170)
Guard: "After I'm through with you, you're going to have a whole new definition of 'police brutality'..."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"'"My dear Carol, 
'"This letter is the confession of a stubborn, selfish old man. For many years I have known the secret of your identity, but have not revealed it for two reasons:
Letter: "One, to protect your childlike innocence, and two, because of the fact that your superpowers aren't supposed to appear until you're eighteen."
the feud in my family and the fact that I wanted to keep you near me. I have no direct descendants, but you are 
Letter: "- A wizard, Carol."
my great-grandniece."' At that revelation there were exclamations of surprise in the room and whisperings among the Boontons and Sidneys." (page 173)
Oh, I don't know, I totally saw it coming.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"George ran forward. 'And you're a Boonton! You're Carol Boonton!'" (page 174)
George: "HA! Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, Sidneys!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Jacob Sidney put an arm around his new-found relative. 'So I'm your grandfather, eh? 
Jacob Sidney: "And I guess I'm Canadian, too. Today is just full of surprises!"
Well, I must say that makes me very proud. Carol, please, don't hold what I've said againt me, and I don't want one penny of your inheritance.'
Jacob Sidney: "Of course, I would get a share if you happened to die an unnatural death... hmmm...."
'Nor I,' added Peter Boonton. He managed an apologetic grin.
Narrator: "No one was fooled."
'After all I'm your great-uncle!'" (page 175)
Peter Boonton: "Sidney, I like your thinking. What say we work together on this one? I'm sure the Jemitts can give us some ideas..."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"A friendly arguement between the Marvins and the Faynes followed. Both families wanted Carol to live with them. During the discussion, Nancy was wondering what her next mystery would be." (page 176)
Ladies and gentlemen, the most one-track mind in the world.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"We've decided, Nancy, ' Bess announced, 'that Carol's going to spend most of her time at boarding school, and divide the rest between the Marvins and the Faynes.'" (page 176)
Which is precisely why we'll never hear anything about her ever again.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

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